Arkham's Youngest
by Person in Pink
Summary: Set in the Arkham Universe. Follow the adventures of a fifteen year old boy as he is thrown into Arkham City, joining the Joker's Gang as he fights for his life and meets your favourite sociopaths. Read and review, feel free to criticise or ask questions.
1. Prologue

**Prologue **

My name is Conor Drysdale, and at this moment in time I am tied to a metal chair in just my boxers. There's a hessian bag pulled over my head to stop me from seeing anything, which is quite rude. I am, I presume, in the main base of Arkahm City, the sprawling mega prison used to house most of Gotham's super villains, murderers, rapists, thieves, vandals ect ect, but as I have a bag over my head, I'm not sure. While I'm sitting here, metaphorically twiddling my thumbs, I may as well tell you a bit about myself.

Like I said, my name is Conor Drysdale. I'm fifteen years old and my parents are dead. Ran over when I was three. My sister died when I was five. Grandparents dead by seven. Eight years I've been in the Gotham orphanage, but I try to spend as little time there as possible. It was this distaste of the orphanage that got me into this mess. I sneak out every night and wander round Gotham, watching films, picking up girls, that sort of stuff. But then, last week, while I was kissing a girl in My Alibi, a nightclub in New Gotham a man walked up to me. Seedy sort of bloke, in a trench coat. He asked me how old I was and I told him, then he said he had a job for me. I said I wasn't interested, until he told me how much he'd pay me, and then I agreed to help him. I left the girl there and the pair of us left My Alibi and started walking. He said that something strange was happening in Arkham City, which now took up all of Old Gotham, and that he wanted to find out what. He'd shut down all of the security cameras and mess up the security, and all I had to do was sneak in and download the encrypted files, then bring them back to him. He said that even if I was caught, they couldn't do anything cause I was a kid. Sounded simple, and it was supposed to be.

I snuck across the bridge and found the entrance the guy said about, and I got inside. Sure enough, the alarms were going off like he said, so all I had to worry about was being caught. I sneaked through the facility, myself being quite sneaky from my nightly exploits and found a computer. I logged on and used my phone to hack into it, then dragged the files off it onto a memory stick. Then it all went wrong. I opened the door and came face to face with a shotgun wielding TYGER guard, one of the paramilitary mercenaries hired by the guy in charge of Arkham to protect it. I went back inside the room and barricaded the door. Here was me, thinking about how clever I was, barricading myself in, and was about to escape through the window. Until he shot the door down. Before I could say anything he hit me in the back of the head with the barrel of the gun and that was that. Now I'm here.

But hold on, I think I hear someone coming.

The door opened and I hear a few pairs of footsteps come inside.

"What are you doing in here Mr Drysdale?" A deep voice asked. "Yes, we know your name."

"I was looking for the little boy's room." I answered him.

The hessian sack was pulled off my head and I blinked as the bright light dazzled me. As my eyes adjusted I saw that in front of me were two TYGER guards, each with their assault rifles pointed at me, and a man in a white lab coat and a funny beard in the middle of them.

"Mr Drysdale, I will ask you once again. What were you doing in here?"


	2. Chapter 1: Welcome to the City

**Chapter One: Welcome to the City**

"I just wanted to know what was in here." I answered.

"You're a liar." The man in the lab coat said. "Guards, ready your weapons."

The two guards loaded their rifles and aimed them at me. "Wait wait wait wait!" I said, trying to hold up my hands, before remembering that they were tied to the chair. "I'll tell you what you want, just tell me who you are."

"I am Professor Hugo Strange, and I am in charge of Arkham City. Now tell me what you were doing."

"Your beard is stupid."

He smiled. "You're voice is awfully deep." Strange said. "It doesn't suit you're girly features." He was right. One thing that people always said was that my voice was amazingly deep, usually deeper than all the grown men around me.

"At least I look attractive."

"I tire of this. Guards, untie him." Strange said, walking away, facing the mirror along the one wall. I could see myself in it. I had dark blond messy hair and bright green eyes, with pale skin and a lean body. I'm about five foot eight and quite athletic, as I went swimming quite often, sometimes with other people, sometimes not. One of the guards walked towards me and took out a knife, and sliced the ropes. He then pulled me onto the floor and pushed the chair away. I rubbed my wrists, red circles around them from the ropes.

"Beat him." Strange said.

Before I knew what was happening, the one guard's boot lashed out into my stomach, winding me and causing me to cry out in pain. I tried to get up, but the other guard kicked me back to the floor. I swore at him and he grabbed my hair, pulling me up and making me scream even more, before grabbing my arms and holding them behind me back, letting the other guard punch men in the chest and stomach. Repeatedly.

"Stop." Strange commanded. The guard let go and I collapsed to the floor. I tasted blood in my mouth and it hurt when I breathed, but nothing was broken. "Are you going to tell me what you were doing here?"

"I met this guy." I said, panting. "He said he'd pay me if I could get some files from this place."

"Where are the files?" Strange asked.

"Memory stick… In my jeans." I said, trying to regain my breath.

"Bring me his clothes and things." Strange said to the one guard. He nodded and walked out of the room, returning five minutes later with a bag in his hand. He handed it to Strange, who threw the jeans, shoes, t-shirt and hoodie on the floor, then pulled out a smaller bag. He pulled out the memory stick and showed it to me. "Is this the memory stick?"

"Yes." I answered. He dropped it on the floor and one of the guards stamped on it, crushing it. "Are you going to let me go?" I asked.

Strange chuckled. "Of course not, Mr Drysdale. You are a criminal, a thief. You don't belong on the streets with all the law abiding citizens."

"But-"

"You belong in Arkham City."

My stomach turned. He couldn't put me in there. I wouldn't last a day in there. Not with my good looks. Hold on, now's not the time to be complimenting myself (even though it's true).

"You can't." I said. "I'm only fifteen, you're not allowed to."

"Mr Drysdale, you have put the security of this facility at risk. Who knows what you read, and what secrets you know about? I can't take that chance."

"You can't though."

"I think you'll find that I can." He said, chuckling. "Tell you what, I'll let you have your things back." He threw me my phone and pen-knife and I put them on the floor. I went to reach for my clothes, but the guard kicked my arm. "You can't have those." Strange said. He nodded to one of the guards, who sent them on fire.

"What am I going to wear?" I asked.

"It's not cold. You'll be perfectly fine in your underwear." Strange said. "Take him to the gates, guards. Have some fun with him, just don't break anything, and don't ruin that pretty little face of his." He said, grinning, then turned to leave the room. "We want the inmates to have some fun as well…"

"You heard him." The one guard said to me as Strange left the room. He kicked me in the groin and I screamed, while the other man punched me in the stomach. They pulled me to my feet and slammed me into the wall, then resumed punching me. After a while, I gave up trying to remember how long this went on for, until they finally pushed me back to the floor next to my phone and pen-knife. "Get your things." One of them spat at me.

I slowly reached out my hand and grabbed the things, then stuffed them into my tight boxers, hoping they didn't fall out. They then dragged me to my feet. They half carried half dragged me through a door and into a courtyard full of orange jumpsuited inmates and TYGER guards. The inmates jeered at me and I was pushed through the crowd, until I came to two lines, separated by metal fencing. "Get to the front." The guard said, pushing me into the line. I made my way through, pushing past the other inmates who whispered to me, until one person grabbed me. He held me against the fence with one hand, his other placed on my bare chest.

"Look out for me in there." He said, and the people around him laughed.

"Get off me." I said, pushing his hand away. He grabbed me around the throat and placed his other hand on my stomach, lingering on my muscles.

"Oooh, got an attitude. I like it." He laughed and pushed me towards the front, and I swore at him, then got to the front of the line. I looked at the guard standing there and scowled.

"You're the youngest we've ever had in here, you know kid." He said. "Have fun. There's a reason why you won't find many girls or young guys in there." He laughed and pushed me through the gate, and I was temporarily blinded from the spot lights. I heard the doors being me close and I reached into my boxers, pulling my pen-knife out and flicking open. I was in a walkway, chain-link fences on either side of me, the only way to go being forward. I heard cheering and saw groups of inmates on either side of me.

"Please welcome into Arkham City!" Shouted a voice over the speakers, "at only fifteen years old, Arkham's Youngest inhabitant!"


	3. Chapter 2: Allegiances

**Chapter Two: Allegiances**

I sprinted down the walkway to get to the other end, but my path was blocked by a man who had jumped over the fence. I tried to run back, but saw two other men behind me, grinning.

"You're ours." One said. One of the men ran at me and I waved my hand, the knife catching him across the chest, cutting him. He swore at me and tried to punch me, but I ducked underneath. I thrust upwards and my knife lodged into his stomach, and I kicked him in the groin then pushed him away and he fell to the floor, clutching his wound. The second man grabbed me from behind and wrapped his arm round my throat and reached his hand onto my stomach. I tried elbowing him, but missed, so stamped on his foot. He swore and I twisted, coming face to face with him. I brought my knee up and kicked him, then slashed him across the side. He fell to the ground, but before I could turn, the last man tackled me to the ground. The knife flew from my hand and the man pinned my arms down with his one arm.

"Thanks for taking care of those two kid, now I get you all to myself." He chuckled and grabbed my face in his other hand, squeezing my cheeks together. I struggled but couldn't get out, then he let go of my face. He placed his hand on my thigh and chuckled.

Bang!

I heard a gunshot and closed my eyes. I felt his hand go loose, and I looked up at him. There was a hole in his head, dripping blood onto my chest and stomach, dripping red patches onto my white boxers. I heaved his body off me and looked at the end of the walkway. There was a group there, one man at the front who was considerably shorter than the rest.

"Hello kid!" Shouted the short man. He had a Cockney accent. "You may have heard of me!"

"What do you want?" I shouted back.

"You!" The short man shouted. "You see, I'm a collector. You're the youngest thing in this place, so I want you for my collection!"

"Why should I let you have me?" I shouted back.

"Cause otherwise, I'll kill you and have you stuffed."

"Who are you?"

"I'm the Penguin!"

I smiled slightly. I was talking to the Penguin. The Penguin! Ever since I was little I had read about the villains Batman had fought, keeping a scrapbook full of newspaper clippings and pictures. Penguin was a big deal. He had a gang, one of the biggest in Gotham. He stepped into the light, and I could see him clearly. He was short and had an umbrella. I knew that there was a gun hidden in that umbrella, and that was what had saved me. He wore a black top hat and dark fur-collared coat with black trousers. Under his coat he had a dirty white shirt, black tie and dark brown waistcoat with flowers on it.

"So kid, you coming with us willingly, or do I have to stuff you?"

"You're going to stuff him are you Cobblepot?" Shouted a deep voice from behind Penguin's gang. "The only thing that's stuffed in that lounge of yours is you, and it shows."

Penguin and his gang turned around quickly, and I took the opportunity and clambered over the fence, hiding in the shadows. I looked at where the voice came from, and saw another group of people, then almost squealed as I saw who was in charge. He was a tall, slim man, with dirty white trousers and a matching waistcoat and tie, and a black shirt with rolled up sleeves and black shoes. He held two pistols in his hands, and covering his face and head was a black mask. The Black Mask. Black Mask was another of Batman's foes, and one of my favourites. He was an even better crime lord than the Penguin, only the Joker being on equal footing with him.

"How dare you Sionis!" Penguin shouted. "We're starving cause of you and the Clown."

"Spare me the sob story. Aren't penguins supposed to be able to survive four months without eating?" Black Mask shouted back, his voice having a menacing quality that you'd see gang leaders have in old 1940s films.

"Listen, Sionis!" Penguin shouted. "We're not leaving this place without the kid!"

"I can tell you're a penguin and not a hawk." Black Mask chuckled.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Hawks are supposed to have good eyes, and your preys escaped you."

"What!" Shouted Penguin, looking around for me. "That's it, I've had enough of this!" He raised his umbrella to shoot but Black Mask beat him to it, taking out two of Penguin's men before Penguin had fully lifted his umbrella. War broke out as the two gangs shot at each other, and I was perfectly happy to sit and watch these two legends fight. Then somebody put their hand round my mouth. I tried to kick them and they turned me around, and I saw a tall muscular man with dark hair stood there. He removed his hand from my mouth.

"Sorry." He said, "couldn't risk you shouting."

"Who are you?" I asked as someone screamed behind me.

"Name's Perlman. I work for the Joker." He said.

"How did you get behind me?" I asked. There was a solid brick wall there.

"There's no time. You won't last a night out here on your own, come work for Joker." He glanced around.

"Sure." I said. Joker was my favourite of all of the villains, second only to Black Mask and Catwoman. And it was either that, or be stuffed.


	4. Chapter 3: Welcome to the House of Fun

**Chapter Three: Welcome to the House of Fun**

Perlman lead me into Sionis' old ironworks, now twisted into a carnival, bright colours splashed over the walls, rollercoasters and clown everywhere. He lead me through the maze of corridors until I got to a door.

"Don't panic, just talk." Perlman said. He pushed me through into darkness. There was a single light bulb which provided just a speck of light.

"What do you want?" Came a coarse voice out of the gloom.

"I want to see the Joker." I answered, looking around for the source of the voice.

"What the hell do you want to see him for? He a nutter." The voice answered.

"I want to join him." I said.

"Oh my God! A hammer!" Shouted the voice in alarm. I jumped and saw a massive hammer land where I was. A massive, muscular man stepped out of the darkness. He was covered in tattoos and had wild green hair and a red nose. He was shirtless, exposing his muscular body, but I couldn't criticize him as he was still wearing more clothes than I was. Oh yeah, his left arm was missing. I heard the voice laughing and then someone grabbed me from behind. I was twisted round and a knife was stuffed into my mouth, and the lights came on. Stood in front of me was the white faced, red lipped face of the Joker.

"So kid, still wanna join?" He laughed and I stood still, hoping the knife wouldn't slice me.

"Aww, ain't he cute Puddin'?" Said a voice behind him.

"Yeah Harley, adorable." The Joker said in a deadpan voice. I looked behind him and saw his girlfriend, Harley Quinn. She was dressed in a red and black corset and black thigh high skirt, with elbow length fingerless gloves and Knee high red boots, a large hammer next to her, but nowhere near as large as the once that the one-armed guy tried to attack me with. She had her hair up in a ponytail and her face was white, with harsh black eyeliner and eye shadow and dark red lipstick.

She jumped off the table and ran over to me. "Can we keep him Puddin'? Please please please?"

"Harley, you're embarrassing yourself." Joker said, still holding the knife in my mouth.

"But he's so cute!" She said. Joker kicked her out of the way and she fell over, and he sighed.

"What do you have to offer kid?" Joker asked and took the knife out of my mouth.

"Do you have a laptop?" I asked.

"Harley!" Joker shouted. "Laptop!" Harley quickly got up and grabbed a laptop from a draw and gave it to the Joker, who put it into my hands. I put it on the floor and reached into my boxers. "Whoa whoa kid, not here!" Shouted the Joker, laughing.

I pulled out my phone and connected it to the laptop, then gave it to him. As well as putting all of the files onto the memory stick, I also put them onto my phone as a backup plan.

"Well well well, Strangey, what are you planning?" Joker said. "Okay kid, your're in. I've been looking for a left-hand man for a while."

"Why not a right-hand man?" I asked, puzzled.

"Cause Mr Hammer here is missing his left hand, so he's my right-hand man." The Joker said. "Harley is of course my loyal fan-club and Perlman who you've already met," Joker said, gesturing to a corner where Perlman was sitting 'is also rather special in the Joker hierarchy."

"How did you get in?" I asked him.

"What do you mean?" Perlman asked.

"Well you stayed outside, and the door hasn't opened."

"Mate, I've came in behind you."

"Really?"

"Five minutes here and the kids already going crazy!" Laughed the Joker. "Right kid, we're going to train you so that you don't get shot in the face the first time you go out then you can be my lieutenant. Any objections?"

"None at all." I said, smiling.

A month passed after that, and I spent it training extensively. I was taught acrobatics by Harley, went through strength training with Hammer, sneaking and stealth with Perlman and the Joker himself taught me how to kill people in all sort of ways. I had killed a few people to cement my reputation in Joker's gang, and anyone who opposed me in it usually wound up dead.

I had just woken up, and was looking around my room. It was small, with an old bed and a desk, with posters of girls, films, bands and the like pinned up. Most of these were brought from Ratcatcher (who had the second largest black-market in Arkham, second only to Penguin). Harley opened the door and walked in and I quickly covered myself in the sheets of the bed.

"Don't you knock Harley?" I asked her.

"Cool it." She said, and ripped the sheets off me. "Actually, put them back on, and get some clothes on." I reached for the old clothes I had been wearing, but Harley grabbed them off me. "Mr J's got you some nice new clothes, specially made."

"And here I though you just liked me without clothes on." I said, smiling.

"Don't flatter yourself Con." She said bluntly.

"If I don't, who will?" I chuckled. She dropped the clothes on the bed and looked at me.

"You make a better killer than a comedian." She said as she walked out the room.

"Thanks?" I asked as she shut the door. I jumped off my bed and stood in front of the large mirror I had. It was cracked in the top corner and was just about big enough so that I could see all of myself in it. It had changed since I had first came in. My hair was messier and darker due to it not being washed, and my skin was paler. My face was gaunt from lack of food and my cheekbones were more pronounced as a result, giving my face an angular look, and my teeth were yellowing. I was slimmer and had a more defined six pack from the harsh training and lack of food, and I had some scars running down my arms from when I was training with knives.

I picked up the clothes and looked at them. I pulled on the bright pink boxers and then put the black skinny jeans on, looping the purple belt with the silver skull and crossbones buckle through the loops. I pulled the boxers up so that you could see them. I then went back to the pile of clothes and pulled out a bullet proof vest. I slipped it on and adjusted to its weight, and then grabbed the purple hoodie that was with it. It was sleeveless meaning my arms would be exposed, but it had coat tails added to it. I slipped it on and zipped it up halfway, leaving the top of my chest exposed. I finally pulled on some white socks and black pointed boots and some white fingerless gloves. Left at the bottom of the pile were my weapons. A black pistol and a black SMG, as well as two knives, one with an eight inch long blade, the other with a four inch long blade. I put the one into my pocket, when I felt some things. I pulled them out and found that they were eyeliner, mascara, lipstick and hair gel. I used the mascara and black eyeliner harshly, then applied the red lipstick in a messy fashion, before using the gel to mess up my hair, making me look like a blond Robert Smith. I pulled a packet of cigarettes out of my pocket and lit one. Yeah yeah yeah, I smoke and I'm only fifteen. Get over it.

I shoved my phone into my pocket (which I couldn't use to phone anyone or go onto the internet, thanks to Strange, so it was mostly just for playing draughts) and walked out of my room. I walked along a corridor, then stopped. I heard a groaning, and looked around, then heard the groaning again. I turned around and at the end of the corridor, was a massive three and a half foot high dog like creature. It groaned and I got ready to run. It placed a foot towards me, and I quickly ran. I heard it chase after me, and I dived down a corridor, causing the monster to overshoot. I carried on running, but stopped suddenly, another had blocked my path. I turned to run back the other way, but the first creature was blocking me. I was trapped. The pair pounced and knocked me to the ground, and I started laughing as they began licking me.

"Bud! Lou!" I shouted at the Joker's hyenas, "off!" The pair of spotted hyenas stopped licking me and I sat up again, looking at the pair of them. Bud was the smaller of the two and had a purple collar, as well as a more high-pitched voice, while Lou was slightly bigger with a green collar with a deeper voice. I motioned for the pair of them to come closer and began scratching them both. "Has Mr J fed you today?" Bud whimpered. "Aww, don't worry, Mr J'll have some new recruits for you today." I started laughing and the hyenas did too. I stood up and started walking through the corridors, and they followed me until we got to the Joker's office. I walked in and saw Joker sitting behind a desk, Harley was sat on the table, Hammer and Perlman leant against a wall. As soon as they saw Harley, Bud and Lou ran at her, and she jumped on the floor to greet them.

"Hello my babies." She said, cuddling them.

"Harley, please." Joker said, then looked at me. He wasn't looking well. He had small red marks over his hands, and he had a slight cough. "Looking good kid. Ready for your first mission?"

"Sure." I answered, twirling my knife in my hand.

"Good, cause you might be shot my Black Mask." Joker said bluntly.

I dropped the knife. "But, have you seen how good he is?" I asked,

"Yeah, and think how much better he'll be once he has the Titan." Joker said.

"You said there was no more Titan!" Shouted Harley, standing up and grabbing Joker by the lapels.

"Harley, Harley, calm down." Mr J said, pushing her away. "It's not for me, and besides, you'd rather Black Mask and Penguin have it?"

"Fine." Harley said, sitting back on the floor and crossing her legs. "But I don't want Conor to go on his own."

"Alright. Hammer, you're with him." Joker said impatiently. "Now go before I shoot all of you."

I saluted casually and followed Hammer out the door. "I'll meet you at the Steel Mill entrance, Kiska." Hammer said.

"Righteo." I replied. I made my way to the entrance and within ten minutes, Hammer had arrived with a group of ten other thugs. We made our way through the streets, towards the north end of Arkham. Strictly speaking, anything in the west belonged to Penguin, anything in the north belonged to Black Mask leaving the east to Mr J. We had been told that the Titan was supposed to go to the docks in the Amusement Mile, but had been attacked by TYGER guards, making it crash near the old GCPD building. That building was now occupied by Mr Freeze, who had so far stopped anyone coming in. Black Mask seemed to be fine with that, instead focussing on Penguin. Our group crossed a bridge into the Amusement Mile and Hammer motioned to us to stop for a second.

"What is it?" I asked him.

"There are people nearby, Kiska." He answered. Behind me, I heard ten gun load simultaneously, and I pulled out my SMG.

"Black Mask's?" I asked.

"Most likely. A border party." Hammer replied. I pulled out my pistol and readied it, then heard a movement. I spun and shot into the darkness, hearing a scream as I hit someone. Suddenly a group of people jumped out of the shadows. They weren't part of Black Mask's gang, that was for sure. I shot another one in the head and looked at his body. Not Penguin's either. None of them had weapons, so whoever they worked for wasn't a big player, probably just a small gang on the lookout for supplies. I looked at the other, turning just in time to catch Hammer crush a man's head while the others shot at the unarmed attackers. I grabbed one around the neck and slammed him against the wall, pulling out a knife and holding to his throat.

He wore a mask that had an almost reptilian pattern on it, and under his trousers and jacket I could see a wetsuit. "Who are you working for?" I asked him, holding the knife to him.

"Croc!" He shouted. "Please don't hurt me."

"Croc has a gang?" I asked, puzzled.

"Yeah. He's actually a lot smarter than he seems." The man said.

"Looks like he doesn't have a gang anymore." I said, smirking. I pushed the knife in and slit his throat, avoiding the blood and wiping the knife on his jacket. I turned back to Hammer and the rest of the gang, who had finished with the others. "Croc's men." I said to them. "Scavengers. Weren't supposed to get into any fights." I saw one of Croc's men still moving on the floor and crouched down, rolling him onto his front. I pulled his mask off and saw some sort of breathing apparatus in it. "Say hello to Croc for me." I said, then kicked him over the bridge, into the water, hearing his body splash into it. "Let's go."

We carried on walking, until we got to the GCPD. We were now in Mask's territory, and the air was decidedly colder due to Freeze. There was also a hotel nearby, in which Ivy had made her home. There were massive thick vines wrapping around the building, and brainwashed thugs guarding it for her. I had been in that hotel a few times before Arkham City was open, chatting to various visitors to Gotham, asking if they'd like tours of the City (for a price) and chatting to daughters of these visitors. After the earthquake that left much of the western area in ruin and chaos (go figure Joker would control it) it was largely separated from the rest of the city, only a few bridges joining it.

The Titan was supposed to have washed up close to it, in the old shipping district, who's shipping crates were now home to many inmates, and were also Sionis' private prison cells for anyone who annoyed him, at least until he could think of a fun way to torture them. Sionis was renowned for his torturing abilities, turning it into an art. As we walked into it, we stepped quietly, moving through the stacks of shipping crates until we got to a clearing full of large wooden crates. We moved through these until we got to one with the word 'Titan' stamped across it. We were about to step forward, when a voice sounded out of the gloom.

"'Ello again kid." Said Oswald Cobblepot. Our group span and raised our guns, pointing it at the tiny gang leader. There were twenty men behind him, outnumbering us.

"Ozzy, how've you been?" I asked as I raised my SMG.

"Just peachy." He replied. "Now, unless you want a bullet through your private parts, I suggest you put that gun down. You see, today's my lucky day. I get to walk away from here with a whole crate of Titan, Arkham's Youngest inmate and I get the complete set of Russian body builders." He smiled and took the cigar out of his mouth, dropping it on the floor and stepping on it in his posh shoes, and he raised his umbrella and pointed it at me.

"Well well well." Echoed another voice behind us. Our group spun and looked, and out of the darkness of the containers walked Black Mask, flanked by twenty men. He took his cigarette out of the gap in his mask and slid the opening back into place. He couldn't take the mask off, it had been burned into place, but he was able to slide the bottom part of the mouth down in order to eat, drink and smoke. "When I'm told that something's washed up, I expected something valuable. Not some washed up old bird and a kid who hasn't started shaving yet." He passed the cigarette to a man behind him, and pulled out his two pistols. He was the best shot here, known throughout Gotham for his accuracy.

"Get lost Black Mask!" Penguin shouted, as our group moved back, allowing the two leaders to see each other. "We was here first!"

"Actually we were." I shouted.

"Oooh, 'I was here first'" Mocked Black Mask. "What are you two? Children." He paused for a second. "Oh wait." His group started chuckling and he turned to me.

"Get lost kid." He said. "Let the big people play." He then looked at Penguin. "I use the word 'big' in the metaphorical sense, of course. Penguin's only big in one way."

"I'm not leaving without the Titan." I said, aiming my SMG at Sionis' face.

"Don't flatter yourself kid. Even if you could shoot me in the face, the mask's bulletproof."

"Oh don't worry, I'll just shoot you in the chest then." I replied.

"Enough of this." Penguin shouted. He shot his umbrella and one of Black Mask's men fell, causing Black Mask to open fire on Penguin's group. Meanwhile, my group shot at both. In all the chaos, I had to somehow grab the Titan. Fun.


	5. Chapter 4: Cranes are Annoying

**Chapter Four: Cranes are Annoying**

I dived backwards behind a crate as the three-way began, and peered round the corner. Black Mask was standing in the opening of a container, slowly firing his pistols, bullets hitting their targets each time, and looked at Penguin on the other side, crouched down, his umbrella open and firing volleys of bullets. I held my SMG out and let loose a burst of fire at him, and, sure enough, they didn't penetrate the umbrella. I looked back at my target, the large crate with the Titan in it. I knew I wouldn't be able to carry it, which was why Hammer was with me. I pulled my hood up and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Follow me." I whispered. I snuck back round the boxes away from the gunfire, leading Hammer with me until I got behind Black Mask's group. I climbed up the shipping containers until I was on top of one, and crouched down watching the fight. Black Mask was winning with our men mostly staying in cover, being outnumbered and all. They hadn't yet realised that me and Hammer (or should that be Hammer and I) had left. I looked round, then saw a large crane and an idea came into my head. I motioned to the crane to Hammer, and he nodded, and waited. I jumped down and sprinted towards it, but suddenly something collided with me, knocking me to the floor. It was one of Black Mask's men, and he pinned my arms down. I kicked out, hitting him in the stomach and he picked me up, slamming me against a container. He raised his hand to punch me and I moved and heard his hand break as it collided with the metal. He screamed in pain and I kicked both my legs into him, pushing him back as I fell to the floor. Before he could get up I kicked him in the stomach, then in the groin. He screamed in pain and looked up at me. I spat on him, then stamped on his face, knocking him out. I picked up my gun again and ran to the crane, then began to climb.

The muscles in my arms tensed as I began the climb. Were it not for Hammer and Harley, I wouldn't have been able to make it all the way up, but thanks to my improved strength, now it was easy. As I got close to the top, I heard a man. A lookout, probably, and I needed to get rid of him somehow. I got close to the ledge, then slammed my foot against the metal crane, causing a dull thud.

"Who's that?" The man shouted. He placed his hands on the floor by the ladder ready to peer out, and I took my change. I let go of the ladder with my right arm and grabbed his, pulling and he toppled, sliding out and falling, but at the last second he grabbed my hand. I swore out in pain as all of his weight was suddenly added to mine, and my foot slipped. I was only holding on with my left arm, and my muscles felt like they were going to rip in half. My grip slipped slightly as the man swung. I kicked my legs out and felt my right boot connect with something, hearing a crunch. His grip loosened and I kicked again, and he let go. I heard him scream and then heard a thud as I reached my right arm back to the ladder, panting. I slowly heaved my body up to the crane and lay there, drained. I flexed my right fingers and heaved myself into the crane, then looked at the controls.

They were a lot more complex than I thought they'd be.

I pushed a lever and the crane spun round, and I pushed it the other way. After five minutes, I had managed to roughly work out how to use it. I positioned it over the Titan crate, and lowered the crane. The hook smashed through the crate, and I began to pull it up. Little did I know, Black Mask aimed his guns at the crate, and shot, hitting a latch causing the side to swing off, dropping about two thirds of the boxes of Titan inside the crate out. I swore and swung the crane round, lowering the crate next to Hammer. I then climbed out and made my way down the ladder. I looked at the red pancake on the floor next to the ladder and chuckled, then sprinted back over the shipping containers to Hammer. He lifted the crate and nodded to me. I shouted to the rest of the group who weren't dead (so five) and they sprinted towards us, and we retreated back to the Steel Mill.

: )

"What do you mean you didn't get all of it!" Joker shouted at me and Hammer. We were sat in his office, the crate of Titan in the corner, only about a third of it there. He stood up and scowled at us. "Honestly, I give you one simple task and you can't even handle that. You disgust me."

"We were slightly preoccupied with being shot at." I said to him.

"Shoot back!" Joker said to us. "I don't pay you to whine about things. That's my job!"

"What were we supposed to do? Leave it all?" I asked.]

"Now Penguin's and Black Mask's gangs will have men the size of Bane- I've got a great idea." He said suddenly, smiling. I turned to Hammer, who grimaced.

"You." Joker said, poking me. "Are going to try to kill Bane."

"What?" I asked disbelievingly. How the hell would I kill Bane?

"Yeah. Hammer, get lost." Joker said. Hammer nodded and walked out the room.

"How the hell am I going to kill Bane?" I asked Mr J.

"No no no, you're going to cause some chaos that might end up killing him." The Joker told me, and he walked over to the crate. "You see, Baneyboy's got a wrestling ring here in the City." He reached in and picked out a box. "People go there and fight each other, cause really, I can't think of anything more fun than two shirtless men hugging each other until they fall over." He chuckled. "Anyway, at the end of the day, the person who wins gets to go off against Baneyboy, who of course cheats and uses his venom." Joker smiled and handed me a small needle full of green liquid. "So let's even up the stakes."

"I'm not becoming a Titan." I said to him. "Worked hard to keep my hourglass figure."

"No you idiot. You're taking someone with you, go in there, get him to the final round, then just before he fights Baney, inject him." Joker said. "It'll be a riot."

"Cool." I answered.

"Hide it though, they'll search you and will take your weapons away from you." Joker said.

"I'll hide it in my boxers." I answered.

"A lot of room in there?" Joker asked, chuckling, and I scowled. "Anyway, take these too." He handed me some small balls and a white gas mask that would cover my mouth and nose. "Smylex, so that you can escape."

I nodded. "When do I leave?"

"Now."

"Okay."


	6. Chapter 5: 350 Pound Luchadore

**Chapter Five: Three Hundred and Fifty Pound Luchadore**

I met with the guy who was going to be the Titan about half an hour after that. He was massive, even his muscles has muscles. I suppose he had to be though, just to get to Bane. Wasn't much of a talker though, pretty dim. Looked like he'd been hit in the face with a shovel too. He was dressed in cargo trousers and a white sleeveless vest with a large smiley face on it. He had a shotgun in his hand that had been saw-off at the barrel, and a large knife at his hip.

"Let's go then." I said to him. We set off towards the destination. Mr J had told me that Bane's wrestling wring was in a large warehouse in the Amusement Mile. He also warned me that the place would probably be filled with Bane's mercenaries, and that I'd need to take them out first. It would be difficult and I'd most likely be hurt, but oh well.

Anyway, we got to the warehouse I'd been told, and I looked at the guy who was with me. "Knock." I said to him.

"You knock." He replied, arms crossed.

"Knock, or I shoot you in the face." I answered.

"Not scared are you?" He said as he wrapped his abnormally large hands on the metal door. A slit opened and looked at him.

"What do you want?" The voice asked.

"We've came to fight." I answered. "Well, he has. I'm watching."

"Doesn't look like you'd be much use either, far too scrawny." The man said. "Come on in then."

The slit in the door closed and the door opened into darkness. I waved my hand for the thug to go first, and he did. I followed behind him. "Who turned out the lights?" I said, and the door slammed shut. I heard the loading of guns and reached for mine, until a voice spoke.

"Don't touch your weapons or we shoot." It said.

"Okay, look our hands are up." I said, as I raised my hands. The lights came on, revealing that we were in a large room. There were lockers lining the walls, and twelve men in black mercenary uniforms aiming rifles and shotguns at us. There were two men stood in front of us, one with dark hair and mutton chops, the other bald.

The bald man spoke. "I'm Zombie, this is Trogg." He said, waving his hand towards the mutton chopped man. "We're Bane's lieutenants."

"So you're the doormen." I said.

"So you want to be shot in the face?" Trogg said.

"Do I detect a bit of sarcasm?" I replied.

"Listen. You do what we say, or you don't go in. When you are in, you're Bird's problem." Zombie told us.

"Now take your clothes off." Trogg said.

"You can buy me a drink first." I said to him, my hands still raised above my head.

"Not all of them, just your tops." Zombie said.

"Why?" I asked him.

"That way, if you're unfit, you're shamed into becoming fit." Zombie said. "If you're fat and have to walk around topless, you'll become disgusted when surrounded by those who are not fat."

"I don't want to take my top off." I replied.

"Why? Feel inadequate?" The thug asked, his shirt already on the floor.

"No, it's just a principal. When I've got no top on, people hit on me, and as fun as that is outside this cesspit, it's not that fun inside Arkham."

"Embarrassed?" Trogg asked.

"Philistine." I muttered under my breath as I unzipped my hoodie and un buckled my vest. I gave them to Trogg, who walked over to a locker and placed them in it.

"Now, your weapons." Zombie said. "Health and safety regulations and all that."

I looked at him and raised my feminine eyebrows. "We're in an underground boxing ring in a ghetto full of mass-murderers and you're worrying about health and safety?"

"Just hand them over." Zombie said, holding out his arm. You'll get them back when you come out. I handed him my pistol and SMG and he handed them to Trogg. "Is that a knife in your pocket?"

I sighed and handed him the knife. As well as the Titan and Smylex I had hidden in my boxers, I had also hidden the small knife. My weapons were put in the locker and it was locked. The door at the end of the room opened and the pair of us walked through. We went into a large room with shipping containers stacked against the walls at varying levels to provide viewing platforms. At the far end of the room were two large metal doors and in the middle of the room was a roughly made wrestling ring, using cars as the ropes. A man sat on a large podium, a shotgun on the table in front of him. I assumed this was Bird. Stood on the shipping containers were shirtless men of various sizes watching a fight going on. There were also about five mercenaries dotted about the edges of the room, each holding a shotgun.

We walked to Bird's podium and he looked down on us. He was wearing a bullet proof vest and black combat trousers and boots. "You're not thinking of competing are you?" He asked me, his accent suggesting origin of somewhere in South America, or possibly Spain. "You're far too feminine." He said, examining my body.

I heard the thug next to me started to laugh. "Could we just leave the proportions of my body out of it, please." I said. "He wants to fight." I said, prodding the thug in the chest.

"You're in." Bird said to the thug. "Your boyfriend gonna stay and watch?" He looked at me, and I scowled at him. "I'll be sat up there." I said, pointing up to the top level of containers.

A few hours went by, myself bored to tears. I was never a fan of wrestling. I had done some boxing and martial arts before with one of my mates, but wrestling didn't appeal to me. If I wanted to hug and roll around with someone, I'd prefer them to be of the opposite sex. Obviously though, the thug had no qualms with wrestling. He had made it through three rounds before it appeared that he was going to go down, until he cheated. After that he had a rest, but I forced him to carry on. After three hours I began to contemplate releasing a batch of Smylex just to end the monotony, but before I really did go that far, Bird stood up.

"That's it for today!" He shouted. "The man from the Joker's group has made it through to the final round, and we shall see if he will be the one to finally defeat Bane!" I smiled, as the large metal doors opened, then I was almost violently sick.

Out from the gloom walked a ten foot tall, five foot wide behemoth. He stood shirtless, muscles upon muscles upon muscles bulging, and he had a large metal tank strapped to his back. Tubes ran down his arms and occasionally his skin would shine green. A black and white mask on his face, Bane stepped into the light. He was greeted by screams and cheers from the crowd of shirtless middle-aged men, and when he got to the ring of cars, he casually picked one up, placing it back down when he had stepped into the ring. The thug looked at him, bouncing on the spot, fists in a guard. He had no chance.

"Good luck, my friend." Bane said, the pair of them touching fists.

"Begin!" Shouted Bird. The pair started fighting, the thug avoiding him, jabbing him as he slowed down. Now was the time I had to eliminate the mercenaries. I reached into my jeans and into my boxers and wrapped my hand around the knife and Titan. One of the men turned round and looked at me.

"What?" I asked him casually, hand still down my trousers.

"I'm not judging." He replied. I swore at him and walked away, pulling the knife out and slowly making my way to the mercenary closest to me. He looked at me, and I stabbed him in the throat before he could do anything, and fell to the floor. I looked around quickly. Nobody had noticed: all too busy watching the fight. I glanced over, and saw Bane was winning. I quickly ran over to the second guard, slicing his throat. Two guards left, not including Bird. I sprinted to the third and slit his throat, but the other man turned around and saw me. I quickly threw my knife and it lodged in his throat. Before he could do anything, I tackled him to the ground and finished him off. There was a cheer and I looked to see the thug lying on the floor.

"You fought well, brother." Bane said. He went to walk away and I grabbed the shotgun from the dead mercenary, then ran through the crowd. I jumped over the car and stood next to the thug.

"Hey Bane!" I shouted. He turned and looked at me, picking out the shotgun in my hand. He quickly looked around, spotting the dead mercenaries, and I knew Bird was doing the same. I had to be quick, before Bird pulled out his shotgun. "It's cheating if you've got an advantage! What about a taste of your own medicine?" I stabbed the needle into the thug's back, and the Titan emptied into his blood. I jumped out of the ring and watched the man's muscles grow, bone ripping out of his skin and his body deforming until he was the same size of Bane.

"What have you done!" Shouted Bane, just before the Titan tackled him. I quickly turned and saw Bird aiming his shotgun at me, and I dived out the way, one of the onlookers getting shot in the thigh. The crowd screamed as they realised the danger they were in and sprinted to the exits, only a few remaining. I ran to Bird before he could reload and grabbed him around the neck, but he threw me onto the ground. He jumped down from the podium and held me to the ground, pulling a knife from his pocket.

"Aww, not strong enough?" He asked as I struggled.

I swore at him and he chuckled, so I spat in his face. He growled at me, and that was all I needed. He was focussed on the saliva running down his cheek, so I twisted my body and his weight changed, toppling to one side. I rolled on top of him and punched him in the face a few times. He tried to push me off but I moved out of the way of his arms, back fisting the side of his head. I looked over at Bane and the Titan; the latter slamming a car onto the former repeatedly. I looked back at Bird, his face bloody.

"Not strong enough?" I taunted as I punched again. I kneed him in the groin hard as I stood up, and kicked him in the face a few times. I aimed his shotgun at him, and pulled the trigger, eliminating Bane's lieutenant. I chuckled and grabbed my knife, reloading the shotgun and sat back to watch Bane die. The Titan had him in a headlock, ready to break his neck.

I waited for the snap which never came.

The Titan suddenly pulled away, clutching its chest and I went cold. This couldn't be happening, not now. The Titan went to his knees and roared, his heart failing. Bane stood and grabbed the Titan's head. "May you rest in heaven." He said, and killed the Titan. "You, however, vete al diablo!" He said, pointing at me, turning around.

I held my hands up in the air. "Come on. I was just messing around, just give me a slap on the wrist and I'll walk away, never to darken your doors."

"I'll do more than slap your wrists." Bane said.

"You wouldn't kill a fifteen year old, would you?" I said optimistically.

"No, I wouldn't." Bane said, lowering his arms. "But as you're one of Joker's men, I am going to break all of the bones in your body, then leave you bleeding and bloody, Trasgo." He grabbed a car and lobbed it in my direction, and I dived out of the way, narrowly avoiding it. He ran at me and I dived again, causing him to overshoot, but he managed to turn around just in time. He sprinted back and I dived again, but he was ready. As I dived, he reached out, and grabbed my legs. He swung me back and let go, and I slammed into a container. I felt dizzy and couldn't react before he grabbed me again. He held me in his gigantic hand and brought me close to his face.

I hope you washed your hands." I said.

"You should never have brought the Titan into the City! It is a danger to all!" Bane shouted.

"Do you want a mint?" I asked. "Maybe a cigarette?"

"I lied." He said, smirking. "I am going to kill you." He tightened his hand around my neck, and squeezed. I felt the my air pipe crush and I panicked as I realised I couldn't breathe. My hands went to my trouser and frantically rooted around in them. I felt the Smylex, but I couldn't do that, since I couldn't get my mask on. I gripped something cold, and realised I still had my knife. Just as I was about to lose consciousness, I thrust it into his wrist. He roared in pain and dropped me, and I breathed in air, savouring it. I quickly pulled my mask on and threw some Smylex down, the ball exploding and spreading green gas everywhere, but Bane had already ran out of the distance, dropping red green blood.

He pointed at me. "I will kill you!" He shouted, and exited through the large metal doors. I smirked under the mask, and walked back towards the entrance corridor, just needing to get back to Mr J now.


	7. Chapter 6: Shirtless Fisticuffs

**Chapter Six: Shirtless Fisticuffs**

The room filled with green gas before the mercenaries knew what was happening. They collapsed on the floor, laughing as the gas slowly affected their nervous system. I walked through unaffected thanks to my mask, and I strutted over to Zombie.

"Hello there, I'll take the keys now." I said to him, pulling the keys from his pocket as clutched at my trousers. I kicked him in the stomach and he let go, and I kicked Trogg in the face as I walked past him. I may as well enjoy it; the lot of them will be dead in a few minutes. I unlocked the locker and grabbed my things, putting my vest and hoodie back on. I then kicked and beat some of the mercenaries for a while as they slowly died laughing, then I left the room. I made my way back to the Steel Mill, strutting into Joker's office. He was sat on at the desk, Harley leant against the wall.

"Hey Con!" She shouted, waving. "How'd it go?"

I grinned at the Joker. "Kid, you've not had any of my gas have you? You've got a really stupid smile."

"It's done." I said, sitting on the desk. "Bane's mercenaries dead, Bane beat up, I've still got all my teeth and I've put an end to his little fun."

"Well done." Joker said, impressed. "I honestly thought you'd be ripped apart." He chuckled and I looked at him.

"Could you give me some notice next time?"

"Where's the fun in that?" Joker said. "Now get out. I need a nap."

As I was walking back to my room I thought of the Joker. There was something weird about how he looked, and I didn't mean the white skin, green hair and red lips. His eyes were bloodshot, and he didn't move as much as when I first arrived, almost as if he wasn't as fit as before. There was something wrong with him, and the way Harley reacted to the appearance of the Titan made me sure it was connected. Nobody was quite sure what happened back at the Asylum, but whatever it was, left the Joker in this state.

A few weeks passed after this, not much happening. We had gained some territory from Black Mask, and Bane had vanished completely. Then, one morning, my door was kicked open. Perlman stood in the door, and he was in a state of panic. I blinked my eyes open and sat up, rubbing my face. "What's the matter?" I asked him. "It's too early."

"Joker and Harley are gone." He said quickly.

"Don't worry." I answered, lying back down. "They can take care of themselves."

"They've been kidnapped by Two-Face."

"You've had a bad dream." I said. "Two-Face isn't even in Arkham." He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of bed, and I fell onto the floor with a thud. "Perlman, what are you playing at, I'm not even dressed." I felt something fall on my bare chest and I sat up, and looked at it. It was a joker card, but half of it had been drawn on and ruined, the other half in perfect condition. I flipped it over and read the writing on the back. All it said was 'the Courthouse'.

I swore and quickly stood up, grabbing my clothes, quickly pulling on my boxers. "When did Two-Face get in here?"

"The last few days." Perlman answered. "He's been lying low, as far as I can tell, gathering a gang." I pulled on my jeans and tied my belt.

"So he's going to put the Joker on trial?" I said.

"Looks that way, with all the psychos in this place as the jury." Perlman said, watching me pull my boots on. "And we're going to get them back."

I looked at him. "How the hell are we supposed to go in there, against all of these psychos and rescue him without getting shot?"

"You create a distraction, and I'll sneak in and save them." Perlman said.

"Why me?" I asked. "Can't you put yourself in danger?"

"While J's away, I'm in charge." Perlman said. "So I make the rules, but don't worry kid, I've found you a present." He threw me a little box just as I picked my vest up, and caught it. I dropped the bulletproof vest onto the bed and opened the box. Inside was a joy buzzer.

I looked at Perlman. "You know, I'm sure playing practical jokes on Two-Face will go a long way to saving Mr J." I told him sarcastically.

"No you idiot." Perlman replied. "It's electric. Shake someone's hand with it and it'll give them a big enough shock to stun them. Useful if you're fighting with someone at close quarters."

"Sure wish I had this during that little Bane chapter." I said, and slipped the joy buzzer onto my hand. I then pulled on the fingerless white gloves and vest, before pulling my hoodie on.

"Come on. Now we'll address the gang." Perlman said.

We walked through the corridors and into the Joker's office. Bud and Lou were lay down, looking sad. When they saw me they rushed to me, whining for the loss of Harley, and I sat down, stroking them. Perlman opened the two doors which looked down onto the entrance hall of the Steel Mill. Almost all of Joker's gang was amassed there, waiting for instructions from Perlman. I sat on the desk, Perlman stood in the door.

"Now!" He shouted, the crowd silencing. "Harley and the Joker have been kidnapped by Two-Face, who's building up a gang! He plans to put the Joker on trial and execute him!"

"Let him!" Shouted one of the thugs. "We can take over n-" The bullet of my gun shot into his face, making his head explode.

"We are going to save him!" Perlman shouted. "A group of you will go with Conor and-"

"Throw the boy down so we can have some fun with him!" A man shouted, and the crowd started laughing. I scowled, the men had got too excited with the loss of the Joker, they'd forgotten who was in charge. I walked to the hole and stood there.

"You want me?" I shouted to the man, who was half a foot taller than me and muscular, lacking a shirt.

"Yeah!" The man shouted again. "Come down and have a play with us!" He laughed.

"What do you want me to do?" I asked coyly.

"Take your clothes off!" He shouted.

I unzipped my hoodie and threw it on the floor, then dumped the vest on the floor, leaving me shirtless.

"Conor, what are you doing?" Perlman whispered.

"Showing them who's in charge." I answered. "I'll make you a deal!" I shouted to the man. "I'll fight you, one on one, no weapons. I win, you all stop acting like idiots and concentrate on the problem we've got. You win, I'll be your little slave, following every command." I dropped my guns on the floor and jumped onto the crane suspended above the hall.

"Conor, I'm not sure about this." Perlman said. I winked at him, and the crane descended, lowering me into the ring that had formed. The man stood opposite me.

"I'm going to enjoy this." He snarled. I winked at him, and he ran at me. I ducked below his punch and jabbed him in the back, and he spun around, his fist catching me across the head, disorientating me. He went to punch again, but I just managed to avoid it, punching him in the ribs. I went to punch again, and he grabbed me around the throat. I looked into his eyes as he choked me, and kicked him roughly in the chest, loosening his grip, pushing him backwards and sending me into the wall of men that made the ring. They picked me up and pushed me back in, where the man punched me in the stomach. I fell onto the ground and he put his foot onto my chest, pushing down. "Beg for me." The man snarled.

"Guess what." I said as he put more weight onto my chest. "I lied."

I grabbed the back of his shin, the buzzer pressing into his skin, and he screamed as the electricity ran through him, causing him to jerk back. I quickly got up and kicked him in the stomach, winding him, then kicked him again in the groin. As his head jerked down due to the pain in his groin, I placed both hands on the back of his head and slammed it into my knee, breaking his nose. He fell onto the floor and I kicked him in the face a few times, breaking his jaw and knocking out a few of his teeth, and stamped on his face. I rolled him onto his back and straddled him, stopping him from getting up. He tried to punch me but my beating had taken its toll, and I just grabbed his arm and broke it, the crack resounding throughout the hall. I grabbed his face and looked him in the eyes. "Beg for me." I snarled. He tried to turn his head, which resembled something that had been run over and I back handed him, causing him to scream as it hit his broken jaw. "Beg."

"P-p-please." He stammered.

"Please what?" I asked, pulling out my knife.

"Please don't h-hurt me."

I placed the tip of the knife onto his chest. "Who's in charge?"

"Y-you."

I stood up and kicked him in the face, smirking.

"Bud! Lou! Breakfast." Two doors opened and the two hyenas strolled in, laughing as they walked to their food. I heard his screams and the hyenas laughing as they ripped him apart until he was dead. By this time I had got back up to the office and put my shirt back on, cleaning the blood from my hands.

Perlman looked at me. "You're some sick little teenage monster you know."

I smiled. "Now they know who's in charge." I fired my gun and all eyes turned away from the hyenas to us. "Perlman." I said, gesturing to him.

"As I was saying before you all got cocky." He said. "We're going to save the Joker and Harley. A group of you will go with Conor and cause a distraction, while I save Harley and the Joker. Any objections?"

One person raised his hand and I shot him, then me and my group set off with Perlman. When we got into view of the courthouse, we saw the true extent of Two-Face's arrival. Half of the courthouse had been trashed, covered in paint and destroyed, the building having been transformed into a twisted reflection of Dent's visage. His gang members walked around, clothes in grey jumpsuits and masks, again, half ruined. I turned to look at Perlman, but he had vanished, already going off to his work. I motioned for the group to follow me and they did, and I strutted up to the guards at the door to the courthouse.

"Hey, I'm here for the Joker's trial." I said.

"I don't know. We're pretty full." The guard said.

"Aww, come on." I whined.

"Fine then kid. No weapons allowed though."

"I'm afraid I disagree." I plunged my knife into his stomach and he keeled over, my group of thugs quickly shooting the other Two-Face thugs. I wiped the blood off my knife and pushed the doors open, walking in. There was nobody around the halls, all of them presumably either dead outside or in the courtroom. I lead the group up the stairs and we emerged in a long corridor with a long glass window. I could see the entire courtroom. It was a big hall, a large open space in the middle of the room and a booth at the far end next to two doors. On top of the booth was a large statue, half ruined. Along the left-hand wall separated from the normal thugs taking up space closest to us was the jury, made up of the super villains of Arkham, twelve of them.

Sat at the far right was the Penguin, a cigar in his had, the bottle smashed in his eye glinting in the light. Much of the mass of thugs belonged to him. Behind him sat Victor Zsasz, a psychopathic serial killer, hundreds of tally marks littered over his body. He wore a pair of shorts, some chains on his wrists and neck and nothing else. Did he ever get cold?

Next to Penguin was the Riddler, his green suit slightly dirty, but he still looked impeccably dressed. His green question mark cane was leant against his chair. I wondered how he got it past security. I wondered what else had got past. Next to him was Hammer's brother, Sickle, an enforcer for the Penguin. I was glad to see he hadn't managed to sneak his weapon inside. Behind them was Arnold Wesker, the Venquilotrist, Scarface sat on his lap. The lunatic was talking to the doll, avid in conversation with it. Next to Sickle was a pretty girl in blue overalls, her blonde hair in a ponytail and her feet on the wooden railing. She was known as the Carpenter. I wondered how many people she had killed with her drills and hammers to still be alive in this place.

My eyes almost fell out of my skull as I looked next to her and saw the beauty who was Poison Ivy. She was dressed only in a tight red shirt which appeared to be missing rather a lot of buttons and some underwear. She looked hot. Behind them was a small man with a large top hat and greasy blonde hair: the Mad Hatter. His obsession with fit blonde girls rivalled mine, and I saw him eyeing Carpenter, probably for his Wonderland Gang. Old Sionis stood dwarfed Hatter as he stood next to him, arms crossed, wearing a white shirt, black tie and black pinstripe trousers. Ratcatcher stood next to him, looking nervously at Penguin due to the fact that he so often had his rats steal from him to sell to inmates. His hair was dark brown and stuck out above his gasmask and he had his weird stick thingy in his hand. In front of them was Deadshot, his specialised scope attached to his mask. He had his wrist guns on. There was no way they weren't loaded. Behind them all stood Baney-boy, looking impatient.

If only I had an autograph book. Almost every super villain I ever wanted to meet was here, and I was having a slight fanboy moment. Then I returned to earth and realised: Two-Face, Joker and Harley were nowhere to be seen. I walked along the corridor and climbed up the ladder to a large balcony overlooking the courtroom. There was a guard standing there, and I sneaked along and slit his throat silently. There was a gunshot and I saw a Two-Face thug stand on the platform at the far end of the room. Everyone was silent.

"We welcome our Jury." He shouted, motioning to them. Some of them, like Carpenter and Penguin waved. Black Mask and Riddler nodded. The others remained still. "Hear ye, hear ye, court is now in session. All rise, the honourable judge Dent presiding!" The two doors opened and Two-Face walked in. He was dressed in his notable suit, the right side white, left side black. I looked at the scars on his face and remembered the newspaper clipping I had in my scrapbook at home as to how it happened: in this very court.

"Sit down!" Harvey Dent said, the good side of him talking, the voice calm and smooth. "I'm happy to see that most of you came, it shows that we have not descended into chaos yet, that we're not animals." He sat down at the desk in the large open space and looked at the paper. "Bring in the accused."

The doors opened and Joker was brought in. He was wearing a dirty white straitjacket. "Dead clown walkin'." Penguin muttered as he was taken past the jury and sat at the desk opposite Dent's. He looked up and smiled at Harvey.


	8. Chapter 7: Clown Court

**Chapter Seven: Clown Court**

"You did this all for me!" He said. "It's not even my birthday! You shouldn't have!"

"This isn't a cause to be happy, Joker." Dent said.

"Well it is if cake is involved!" Joker laughed.

Two-Face emerged from Dent, his evil side coming out. "_**It's not a party!**_" Two-Face shouted, his voice deep and gravelly. "_**How does the defendant plead?**_"

"I plead insanity!" Joker shouted.

"_**The prosecution may make their opening statement.**_" Two-Face growled.

Dent stood up and walked along the floor. "Thank you, your honour." He turned to the jury. "I plan to make this short. We are all here for one reason. And that reason, is that depraved clown there."

"Slander!" Shouted the Joker. "Judge! Evict him from the room!"

"_**Shut up!**_" Two-Face roared. Dent resumed control. "If it were not for his little party at the asylum, Arkham City would never have been opened. Therefore, in light of this, I ask that the jury find the Joker guilty." Two-Face came back. "The defence may provide their statement." He growled.

"You're an ugly two-timing crossdresser." Joker said to him.

"Hold it right there you honour!" A woman shouted. Everyone turned to see a woman walking through the crowd. It was Harley, but like I'd never seen her before. She was still wearing her red and black leather corset, black leather trousers and red boots, but here hair was up in a ponytail and her face wasn't, well, to be honest there's no better way to put it. She didn't look like she'd fallen face first into a bucket of paint. Her skin was her normal colour, her lips bright red. She wore a pair of glasses and she had a grey blazer on. "Pardon my lateness. It was unavoidable. Honestly, parking was murder." Joker chuckled and she came and stood next to him.

"That is okay, Quinn." Harvey said. "Just make your statement."

She cleared her throat. "Take a look at the judge." She said to the jury. "Notice anything similar to the prosecutor?" There was a murmer ripple through the crowd. This was beginning to get stupid. Of course there was something similar. They were the same person for God's sake. "They are obviously connected, and the judge is therefore biased and unfit to preside over this trial."

"_**Are you done, Miss Quinn?**_" Two-Face growled.

"Yes, your honour."

"I call my first witness, Mr Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot." Dent said.

"Look 'ere your 'onour. See my 'and? That was the clown and 'is little 'arlot's fault." Penguin said.

"Your honour!" Harley said, standing up. "I object to this little deformed liar calling me a harlot!"

"Do you have anything useful to contribute?" Dent asked.

"Yes." She said, straightening her blazer. "Originally we were told that it was Batman who broke his hand. Then you said it was Freeze. He's lying, your honour!"

"_**Quinn, for that outburst you are no longer allowed to speak unless spoken to.**_" Two-Face hissed. "_**Now sit. Down.**_"

Harley sat back down and scowled.

"Would you please describe your history with the defendant?" Dent asked Penguin.

"Of course. I show you exhibit A." Penguin said. A group of his thugs came in, bandaged and battered. "He's been beating my men for years. I mean, the hospital bills are through the roof."

"No more questions." Dent said. "_**Defence may cross-examine**_." Two-Face growled.

"Is it not true that you refused me and my client custom from your Iceberg Lounge for no reason?" Harley asked. "Have you not been out to get us since then?"

"I 'ave a right to refuse entry to anyone." Penguin replied.

"Only if there is a good reason." Harley said.

"He melted the face of one of my best waitresses." Penguin shouted.

Harley shot a look at the Joker, who smiled and shrugged his shoulders. She sat back down, face in her palm.

"_**We have a long list of witnesses, and we are running out of time.**_" Two-Face said. "_**Let's proceed through them.**_"

"This clown is the cause of my separation from my brother!" Shouted Sickle. "Allow me to be the executioner."

"He lords about pretending to be the chessmaster." Riddler said. "In truth he is nothing but mad and lucky. Utterly disappointing."

"I hate the clown." Deadshot shouted. "He still owes me fifty million!"

"Objection!" Shouted Joker. "You never managed to kill the Batman!"

"_**Shut up!**_" Two-Face roared, slamming his gavel down.

"I've got a special bullet for you, clown." Deadshot continued. "Hollow point, explosive tip, nasty." Joker stuck his tongue out at him.

"He abandoned me to the Batman while I was working for him." Zsasz said.

"What do you want me to do? It's not like you have medical insurance." Joker said.

"I'll carve that smile all the way around your head." Zsasz finished, twirling a knife.

"What man doesn't like hats? What man doesn't like bats? The white rabbit hops, that man is a fop, what do you think about that?" Mad Hatter giggled.

"Not even I know what he's going on about." Joker laughed.

"That man has been nothing but trouble for mine and Mister Scarface's operation." Venquilotrist said. Scarface looked at him. "_**Whadda ya mean our operation dummy? I'm the one in charge, and after I kill the clown, I have half a mind to kill you!**_"

Two-Face banged his gavel. "_**Order!**_ _**If you can't keep yourself quiet, Wesker, then I'll eject your from court!**_"

"The clown tied me up and tortured me for weeks!" Black Mask shouted, breaking his calm appearance. "He knocks off my girlfriend and topples my empire, and now he's stolen my factory!"

"_**Calm down, Mr Sionis.**_"

"You think I'll let you get away with that!" Black Mask shouted. "I'm going to rip your throat out!"

"_**Sit down Sionis!**_"

"You're a dead man." Black Mask said, taking his seat.

"He's lower than a cockroach. He poured toxin on my rats right in front of me for a laugh. That's how sick he is." Ratcatcher said.

"Hey Pingy!" Joker shouted to Penguin. "Did you know Ratcatcher's been stealing from you and selling the stuff."

"'e's been doin' what!" Shouted Penguin.

"No no, I swear I haven't."

"Me an' you are gonna 'ave ourselves a little chat, Ratty." Penguin said sitting down.

"There was this time when Joker asked me to fix this amusement part thing." Carpenter said. "So I do it real nice, fake floors, killer robots, all of it. Even gave him a discount cause I'm friends with Harls, but then I find out he'd set up bombs to blow the place up with me inside it. I hate clowns."

"He tried to poison me and all of my plants." Ivy said. "Think of all the times he's tried to kill us all. Hell, think of all the times he's tried to kill Harley."

"Red!" Shouted Harley.

"Sorry Harls, I'm just trying to protect you and the planet." Ivy said. "He's a perversion of nature and shouldn't be allowed to exist."

"He had me locked up at the asylum and had the brujah experiment on me!" Bane roared. "I show you exhibit B: Joker's titan. It was this that caused the destruction and caused us to get moved here, and I will kill him and anyone associated with it!"

"The prosecution rests." Harvey said. "_**The defence may call its first witness.**_"

"That's my cue." Joker said, as Harley had her hand on her head. "No need to remove my hand for the oath. Not when I can swear you're all a bunch of lily-livered liars." Joker chuckled. "Look at all of you. Oh woe is you, break out the violins, big bad Joker is to blame. You all need to look in the mirror." He paused. "Scratch that, maybe just the ladies. The rest of you ugly trolls would just crack the glass. How can we trust any of you? A murderer's row. Your best witness was a drug addict, a glorified wrasslin' luchador and if you can't trust him, then who can you trust?" He laughed. "The defence rests."

"Prosecution waives our closing statement, your honour." Dent said. "_**All right. Then that leaves the defence. Your closing statement please.**_"

Harley stood up and approached the jury. "I'd like to thank the jury for being fair and just. And to continue that, by finding my client not guilty. He is not responsible for any of this. Blame it on Dr Penelope Young. On Mayor Sharp. Heck, even Hugo Strange. Where's he been during all of this? What it comes down to is: the Joker is innocent of all charges. Thank you." She took her seat again.

"_**That is the end of closing arguments. It's now time for the jury deliberation, but let me warn you against a hung jury. Because I also like to hang my juries.**_"

"Excuse me you 'onour." Penguin said.

"_**Yes foreman?**_"

"We've already arrived at a unanimous decision. We, the jury, find the defendant-" Something hit him in the face. A batarang. No, it couldn't could it? A large black shape dropped down to the ground, menacing and scary, landing in the open space by Joker and Harley. Batman stood up and I almost wet myself with excitement.

"This trial is over." He growled.


	9. Chapter 8: Happy Birthday Penguin

**Chapter Eight: Happy Birthday Penguin**

There was shouting and jeering in the court due to Batman's arrival. Two-Face slammed his gavel down, and everyone silenced. "_**It appears we have a surprise witness, but I'm afraid you're too late. We'll just have to include you in the ruling for creating the Joker. If it weren't for you, he would never have become a super villain.**_" Two-Face chuckled. "_**This court and all of Arkham City find the Joker and Batman guilty of all charges, with a maximum sentence to be carried out immediately.**_"

Harley was sobbing. "I move for an appeal! No, wait, make that a new representation!" Joker shouted.

Sickle, Zsasz and Deadshot had already jumped over the barrier, Black Mask and Riddler not far behind.

"I demand a re-retrial! How about a last meal? I want fruitcake!" Joker said.

"_**This court is now adjourned.**_" Two-Face said, and before he could slam the gavel down, Batman knocked it out of his hand with a batarang. Batman looked up and saw the statue, saw the one scale burning and threw the batarang at it, causing fire to go everywhere.

"A hot time in the old town tonight, wouldn't you agree Batsy?" Joker said, laughing as fighting erupted all around him. Sickle ran at Batman and he ducked, causing him to fly into Deadshot and hit his head, knocking them both out. Riddler went to strike Batman but he countered it, spinning the cane around and smashing Riddler in the face. I saw Carpenter grab the gavel and hit Hatter across the face with it.

"I said I was sorry Harl." Ivy said.

"You're about to get a whole lot sorrier!" Shouted Harley, smashing Ivy round the face with a bat.

"We're going to need to work together, Joker." Batman said as he slashed open the straitjacket.

"Not without the proper paperwork." Joker said. "Well, I suppose it could be a gentleman's agreement. Just needs a handshake." Joker laughed as he grabbed someone's hand, electrocuting him with his joy buzzer. Batman meanwhile punched Zsasz in the face and the knife went flying out of his hand, almost hitting Mad Hatter who let out a yelp.

"_**Get out the way, dummies!**_" Shouted Scarface as he opened fire with his tommy gun.

"You're a chip off the old block." Joker laughed, tacking the Venquilotrist to the floor and flinging the doll towards the flames, causing Wesker to panic.

I looked over to the one side of the room and saw Penguin cursing as he was attacked by rats in his attempt to get at Ratcatcher, then saw Dent swing a hammer at Batman. He was about to kill him when he was tackled from behind by Calendar Man, who had appeared from nowhere. I saw Perlman run in and guessed he must have had some part in Calendar man, and he lifted Joker up and began to carry him away, followed by Harley and the Joker thugs.

"Looks like I've got my own runaway jury." Joker shouted. "See you Bats."

Batman grappled up to the ceiling and smashed through a window, leaving.

"Well lads, it's time for us to go. Back to headquarters."

A week later I was called into the Joker's Office. I went there. He was sitting on the desk adusting his bow tie and Harley was crouched on the floor, makeup on, cuddling Bud and Lou. Perlman and Hammer leant against the wall.

"Tomorrow it's Penguin's birthday, so I thought we'd pay him a little visit." Joker said to me. "Well, you and Harley are. I want you to go into that place and make sure he never sees his birthday." Joker smiled at me.

"Into the Iceberg Lounge?" I asked, unsure.

"Yeah. It'll be a piece of cake." Joker said. "Then take his cake as well."

I nodded and left, followed by Harley. "Bud and Lou are coming with us." She said. I'll grab the gang and will meet you outside. I nodded and made my way out. After ten minutes she turned up, flagged by eight men and the two hyenas.

She stood on a barrel, making herself higher and addressed us. "Right you morons!" She started, holding her assault rifle in the air. "We're takin' a field trip to the museum, payin' our little Penguin friend a visit." There were cheers from the men. "Shut up morons!" She shouted. "I'm not finished yet!" They quietened down. "Now, we're taking little Con with us today, and I want you all to know that he's worth ten of you, so if any of you hurt him, I'll shove this rifle where the sun don't shine and then pull the trigger!" She smiled at me, and I winked. "Is that clear‽"

There was a murmur of "yes miss" and she smiled, jumping down from the barrel and walking out the gates flanked by Bud and Lou. I jogged and walked next to her.

"Hey kid." She said. "You feelin' okay about this?"

"Sure Harls." I replied. "I'm always okay, aren't I?"

"When's your birthday kid?" She asked me. "You're still fifteen aren't you?"

"Yeah." I replied. "My birthdays the eleventh, next month."

"Shame you had to spend it in here." She said as we crossed a bridge into Black Mask's territory.

"It's not that bad. I can do what I want, nobody messes with me anymore and I'm the best looking guy here." She laughed and I smiled. "There's just a distinctive lack of girls."

"You've got me." She said, putting her arm round me.

"Yeah, but if I do what I want with you, then Joker will beat me." I replied.

"That's what you mean." Harley said. "There's always Carpenter."

"Not my type." I replied. "No offense, but I'm not really into blondes."

"Ivy?" Harley joked.

"I've got hay fever." I joked, and we both chuckled. "Nah, I like black haired girls."

We talked for a while, then an announcement from Strange came over the speakers. "What do you think of him?" She asked me.

"I think if I ever see him again, I'll break his neck." I replied.

"I used to work for him, you know." She told me. "Back before the asylum was open."

"Really?" I asked. "I knew you used to be a psychologist and all, but I never knew you had to work for this prick." We laughed.

"Yeah, about eight years ago." She told me, checking her rifle. "First time I met Joker."

"Cool." I answered. Eight years ago was a long time. For all the stuff she'd gone through, Harley still was pretty fit, still only looking in her early twenties.

We continued chatting for a while, passing through both Black Mask's and Two-Face's territories without problem. We arrived at the outside to the museum and we paused. It was large and menacing, with eloquent architecture and large statues. Harley put her ear to the door and listened, then motioned for us to enter. When we walked in we found the place largely unchanged from what I remembered. We walked down the corridor and got to the large dinosaur exhibit. We quickly made our way down the steps, until we heard the click of a gun. Behind us were Penguin's men.

"Looks like Penguin was right." The lead said. "Joker has gotten too big for his boots."

Our gang loaded their guns and pointed it at them.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Penguin said behind us.

"Get lost Penguin." Harley said.

"I do believe you are trespassing on my property." Penguin said. "Now we don't take kindly to trespassers, do we lads?"

"What do we do?" I whispered to Harley.

"Shoot and run." She whispered back. "You're just sore about your waitress." She said to Penguin.

"An' you're just sore about almost dying." Penguin said. "But I'm not Dent. I'm just gonna kill you, starting with him." He pointed his umbrella at me. Bud growled at the threatening gesture to me and pounced for Penguin, protecting me, and Penguin's umbrella fired, sending Bud back, dead. Harley screamed and opened fire on Penguin, who opened his bullet-proof umbrella. Lou pounced and suffered the same fate as Bud, and Penguin's thugs opened fire.

I grabbed Harley by the shoulders and looked into her eyes. Her eyeliner was running down her face. "Get out of here." I said. "I'll meet you back at the steel mill." She nodded and turned, gunning down anyone in her way, and I ran and tacked Penguin to the ground.

One of his thugs grabbed me and slammed me into the wall, holding his shotgun up to my face. Penguin held up his hand. "Don't shoot 'im!" He shouted. "'e's for my collection." The thug punched me in the face and I blacked out.


	10. Chapter 9: Iceberg Lounge VIP Room

**Chapter Nine: Iceberg Lounge VIP Room**

I woke up on a cold floor. I sat up and rubbed my face, feeling a large bruise on my right temple. My eye was tender as well. I looked around and saw I was in the middle of the Iceberg Lounge, on the dance floor. There were golden railings stopping me getting to the outer ring where the chairs and tables were. Banners and balloons were strung up, each one colourful and emblazoned with 'happy birthday'. Penguin was stood by the bar, smoking a cigar with a paper party hat on, and, sat at a table next to him was a sight that made me shudder.

Eleven feet tall with tough green skin and a mouth full of teeth, Killer Croc sat down, a glass of brandy in his right hand, a cigar in his left. He was shirtless, exposing his reptilian muscular body and he wore a pair of dark orange Arkham trousers. His golden eyes were focussed on me and he tapped his foot on the ground impatiently.

"Well well, looks like the lad's finally awake." Penguin said. I reached for my gun but couldn't find it.

"Lookin' for this?" Penguin said, pulling out my pistol and SMG. He placed them on the bar and chuckled. I reached into my hoodie pockets and felt my two knives, and I also felt the knife that was in my boxers. I pulled the knives out and stood up. "Well lad, today's my birthday. You gonna wish me many happy returns?"

"I hope it's your last." I snarled. Croc chuckled and took a drag on his cigar.

"To celebrate this momentous occasion, I arrange a good old gladiator fight for my men. You know, nice fight between mates. But when you arrived, I had a better idea." He said, leaning on his umbrella. "My men are going to fight you."

"Bring it on." I said, motioning to him.

"Cocky!" He shouted, chuckling. "I like him."

"I'd like to eat him." Croc growled.

"No you wouldn't." I said, lifting my vest up exposing my stomach. "All skin and bones."

"Makes no difference to me." Chuckled Croc.

"If you two ladies are done, I'd quite like to get started." Penguin said. "Come on lads, come and ruin the lad's pretty little face." Penguin chuckled and four of Penguin's thugs ran in, vaulting over the barriers. The first one swung a punch at me, but I was quick. I brought my left knife up and slashed along his arm, cutting some arteries. He shouted out in pain and I kicked him in the stomach, pushing him back. I heard a step behind me and spun round, stretching my arm out and slashed another man across the stomach. I locked eyes with the other one and ran at him. He reached out his arm to get me, and I slid, knocking him to the ground. I twisted and drove my knife into his back. I heard Croc chuckle and Penguin laugh. I smirked at them and looked around. Another group of thugs, two of them with knives, one with a shield.

The first man with a knife slashed at me and I moved out the way and slashed back. He dodged and I quickly drove my shoulder into his chest while his knife arm was away, the stabbed him in the throat. He dropped the knife and I tried to pull the knife out, but it was stuck. I ducked behind him and used him as a shield as the second man went to stab, catching his friend in the chest. I pulled the knife again and it came out, and I pushed the man towards the other. Before I could attack I was grabbed from behind, my arms locked together. The one man ran and punched me in the stomach. I strained my arms and the man punched me again. I scraped the heel of my shoe down the man's shin and he let got. I quickly slashed at him then grabbed the man who was punching me by the arm. I broke it then stabbed him, and the man with the shield swung it at me. I ducked it and came up in between it. He was unable to get away due to being attached to the shield, so I brought my feet up and kicked him in the chest, my back against the shield. I heard a crack and the shield came loose; I fell to the floor. I looked at him and he was clutching his arms, both broken. I punched him in the face and he dropped to the floor.

I looked around at the bleeding bodies on the floor and turned to Penguin. "Is that all you've got?"

"You want more?" Penguin said.

"Sure." I said.

"Go on then croc, get yourself stuck in." Penguin chuckled. Croc stood up and jumped the barrier, and I immediately regretted being so cocky.

He hissed and licked his lips. "Tick tock." He said to me. He ran and swung his clawed hand. I ducked and stabbed the knife towards it, but the blade didn't penetrate his tough hide. He spun and smashed me in the stomach with his massive forearm, sending me flying back. Croc laughed. "That tickled." Before I could get up Croc was already on me, lifting me up by my hoodie. He brought me close to his face and I could smell his breath, a mixture of blood, brandy and tobacco. He was about to chomp me when one of Penguin's thugs ran in.

"Boss!" He shouted.

"What is it?" Penguin said impatiently.

"It's Bane. He's-" He was about to finish when he was knocked down by a flying henchman. Croc ran back to the barrier, still with me in his fist and leaped it. He sat back down at his chair and placed me in the seat beside me.

"What's wrong? Scared?" I taunted.

"No." He snarled. "I just don't punch above my weight, unlike some people." I shrugged, admitting he had a point.

"Will you two shut up!" Penguin said, listening for Bane.

"Cigar?" Croc asked, pushing the case towards me.

"Cheers mate." I said, taking one out and lighting it. "Pour me a glass." Croc pushed his glass towards me and poured himself one.

"Shut the hell up!" Penguin said. Bane ran in, going directly to the large open space where me and Croc had our slightly unfair fight. To be honest, impenetrable skin was kinda cheating.

"Pájaro!" Bane shouted at Penguin. "Give me the Titan or I'll pluck your feathers!"

"Now now Baney." Penguin said. "And here I was thinking you were here to wish me a happy birthday. Not got a present for me?"

"How about a broken neck?" Bane asked.

"Tell you what." Penguin said. "You go three rounds with my men. You beat them and you get the Titan."

"Give it to me!"

"Oi! Clive, get in here!" Penguin shouted. A large man ran in, but he was nothing compared to Bane. "Get in there!"

Me and Croc exchanged looks, knowing he wasn't going to last five seconds. We clinked our glasses together and smiled. Clive went flying across the room and slammed into the wall with an audible crack, much to mine and Croc's amusement.

"Pájaro!" Bane shouted.

"Sickle!" Shouted Penguin. "You're next!"

The massive Sickle ran in, his weapon in his one hand. He swung it at Bane who caught it and ripped it from his grasp, flinging it away. Sickle punched him in the face and Bane retaliated. Sickled kicked and Bane punched again. He grabbed Sickle round the throat and slammed him into the ground.

"Looks like he needs a hand." I whispered to Croc, who laughed loudly. I took a drag on my cigar and sipped my brandy as Bane repeatedly punched Sickle into unconsciousness. Bane stood up and lifted Sickle up and threw him out of the ring.

"You think you're tough, don't you?" Penguin said.

"Well he kinda is." I said.

"Shut up!" Penguin said.

"He is." Croc agreed.

"Shut it! Or my men'll have new boots!" Penguin said. Croc growled and I tapped my cigar into an ashtray. "You'll like this bit Croc."

"Give me the Titan!" Screamed Bane.

"Last round!" Penguin clicked a button on a remote and something descended from the ceiling of the lounge. Bane leaped out the way, and the door to the metal cage opened. From it stepped something I thought was only a myth. The same size of Bane with pale blue-grey skin and ripped clothing, the monster stepped out.

"Solomon Grundy…" It moaned.

"Where the hell did you get him?" I asked Penguin.

"Born on Monday…" Grundy moaned, moving slowly towards Bane. Bane punched him a few times, but Grundy carried on.

"Christened on Tuesday…"

"He came when I brought the place." Penguin said. "You like 'im?"

Me and Croc nodded as we watched Bane try to punch Grundy some more, who again continued on. Grundy punched Bane a few times, and Bane retaliated to no avail.

"Married on Wednesday…"

"If I beat Croc, would I be against him?" I asked Penguin, pouring myself some brandy.

"Lord kid, calm down on the alcohol." Penguin said, pulling the bottle away from me.

"You wouldn't have beaten me." Croc snarled.

We looked over and saw Bane bleeding on the floor. He stood up and pushed Grundy back. "This isn't over Pájaro!" Bane sprinted out of the room, and Grundy turned to us.

"Took ill on Thurday…"

"I don't want to alarm you Cobblepot, but that unstoppable zombie is shuffling towards us." I said, downing my brandy.

"I'm not fighting that thing." Croc said.

"Stop worrying." Penguin said, tapping the control. Nothing happened. "Oh, it's not working."

"Grew worse on Friday…"

"Jesus." I muttered.

"I'll throw the kid at it if you like." Croc said.

"I thought we'd really bonded Croc." I said to him.

"Died on Saturday…"

"Damn right you did." Penguin said. He hit the remote and pressed the button and Grundy fell to the ground, electricity crackling around him.

"Well lads, this was lovely, but I'll be going now." I stood up, but Croc pulled me back down.

"Kid, I'm a collector." Penguin said. "You're Arkham's Youngest inmate. You're mine."

"Oh sh-"

Croc smashed me in the head and I blacked out.


	11. Chapter 10: Serial Killer Best Buddies

**Chapter Ten: Serial Killer Best Buddies**

I woke up on a cold floor again and pushed my arms out. They touched glass and I sat up. I was in an exhibit, stripped to my boxers. I looked around, the place was deserted. I was in the entrance hall of the museum, the large tyrannosaurus rex visible.

"Hello." A soft voice said. I panicked and looked around. Sat across from me on a log in another exhibit was Victor Zsasz. He was wearing his orange shorts and chains. "You're one of Joker's men, aren't you?" His voice scared me, the melodic tone to it was unnerving.

"Yes." I replied.

"Yes, I can still see the makeup." Zsasz said. "I saw them bring you in. Penguin was very particular with them not damaging you." His voice. Almost like a mother's singing her son to sleep.

"Is Croc still here?" I asked.

"No. He left yesterday." Zsasz replied. He swung his legs from side to side.

I rubbed my head again and sat on a rock in my exhibit. "So I'm the youngest guy in this place. Why does Penguin want you here?" I asked.

"Who knows." Zsasz said. "Maybe it's because I'm unique. Maybe it's because the runt helped create me. Maybe it's out of revenge."

"Hold on, he created you?" I asked.

"Yes. He cheated me out of all of my money, then kicked me out. That's when I first murdered someone." He paused. "And liked it."

"And what about 'hi revenge'" I asked.

"I smashed the bottle into his eye."

I paused. "Fair play."

"Be quiet. Someone's coming." Zsasz said.

I listened, and someone was coming. I heard their footsteps. Down the stairs came Black Mask, wearing his dirty white suit followed by another man. He wore a grey overall with a grey helmet, and he carried a large gun attached to his backpack. Black Mask looked at our exhibits.

"Well well well." He said dryly. "How long have you two been here? I expect you're two little serial killer best buddies by now."

"Sionis." Zsasz said.

"How've you been Victor?" Black Mask asked.

"I've been well." Zsasz replied.

Black Mask turned to me. "Connor, isn't it?" He said. "Look. I don't want Penguin to keep you locked in here."

"Aww, you care about me." I said.

"I don't want you staying here because I want to kill you myself." He finished.

"Let me out then." I said.

"Can't." Black Mask said. "I'm here to talk business with Bird Brain." Black Mask reached into his jacket and pulled out a black pistol, as well as some bullets. "If you can get out though, I'll leave these here." He dropped them on the floor and kicked them under the exhibit.

"Sionis!" The man in the overalls shouted. "Penguin's coming."

"Okay Lynns." Black Mask replied. I remembered that name. Garfield Lynns: Firefly. "Oh and kid, let the sociopath out too." Black Mask turned and went to Firefly. Penguin came into view, followed by Sickle. "I want to talk, Cobblepot." Black Mask said.

"Why shouldn't I just kill you?" Penguin asked. "You're in my place, only the pyromaniac with you."

"You shouldn't kill me, because I come with a proposal." Black Mask said. "We both hate the clown, right?"

"Right." Penguin said.

"How about we work together?" Black Mask said. "I know the layout of the steel mill, you have the weapons to take it back."

"Good plan, but I've got a better idea." Penguin said. "What about I give you explosives, and you total the place?"

"No." Black Mask said.

"Shame." Penguin said. "You either do that, or I kill you."

Black Mask considered the opportunities. "Fine, but Sickle carried the stuff into my territory."

"Deal. Sickle, get the stuff." After a few minutes, Sickle came back with a large crate. Black Mask and Firefly turned to leave, and Black Mask looked at me and nodded. I nodded back.

A few hours passed and me and Zsasz chatted. Sickle had returned and the lights had gone off. Eventually, I decided it was safe. I reached into my boxers and felt my phone. I pulled out my knife, tapping the hilt against the glass. Zsasz looked on bored. I smashed the metal handle of the knife and cracks appeared in the glass, then I shoved my weight against it and it broke through. I fell to the floor and cursed as the shards of glass stuck into my arm. I slowly picked them out, my left arm being covered in cuts. I reached underneath and grabbed the pistol and bullets, then looked at Zsasz.

"I bet you want to get out." I said.

"That's right." Zsasz said.

"I'll let you out and give you my knife, but you've got to do some things for me." I said.

"I'm all ears."

"Don't kill me." I said.

"I won't kill you tonight." Zsasz said.

"Good enough." I replied. "Next, you need to help me get to my stuff."

"Okay. I want my things too."

"Lastly, take me to Black Mask's place."

"I've got no idea where Black Mask hides out." Zsasz said.

"Don't lie. You've worked for him before." I said.

Zsasz thought for a second. "Fine."

"Good." I smashed the hilt of the knife against the glass and it cracked, and Zsasz kicked it, smashing it. He slipped out and I passed him the knife. He examined it, then looked at me smiling.

"Let's go."

I looked around the entrance hall and remembered what this place was like before Arkham City. We went here for a school trip once, but me and this girl snuck off during it to mess around. We were found an hour later sat in the café. Me and Zsasz set off down the corridor, and I made sure he was in front of me. I still didn't trust him. We went through a door into another corridor, and spray painted onto a wall in front of us were the words 'NEW RECRUITS THIS WAY'. I looked at Zsasz.

"I reckon that's where we're going to find people to kill." I said to Zsasz.

"We can find out where our things are." Zsasz said calmly.

We followed the corridor round until we got to a large metal gate. Inside was a large hall, made into a gladiator pit, large metal fences blocking off the stairs, more gates blocking entry to the other parts of the hall. There was a small gap under the gate, and me and Zsasz slipped underneath it. On the walls either side of us were two weapons racks. Zsasz chucked my knife back to me and grabbed two long knives and I grabbed some extra bullets, holding the knife in my left hand.

"Looks like the two freaks escaped." A thug said, and we looked up. On the large staircase blocked off from us stood a Penguin thug, five other men behind him. They held pipes and knives and sneered at us.

"Where's Penguin keeping our things?" I shouted.

"You've got quite a temper." The man said. "We've been wanting to get at you for some time kid." The men behind him smiled. "You see, we've been deprived of female contact for so long, that when such and effeminate young man comes to us, how can we resist?" They jumped down onto the ground and we were outnumbered three to one. "And by escaping, you've provided us with the perfect excuse to destroy you."

"Enough talking." Zsasz said, and lunged at the man nearest him. In one quick sweep he had slit his throat and had already moved onto his next victim. It was a thing of beauty, watching Zsasz kill. I thought I was good with a knife, but at that moment I realised I was nothing compared to him. In the time I killed one of the men, Zsasz had already killed four, the last in a headlock, Zsasz's knife to his throat. "Where are our things?" Zsasz asked calmly.

"Will you let me go?" The man panicked.

"I will release you, yes." Zsasz replied.

"In the war room!" He shouted. "Go to the torture chamber and take the left corridor!"

"Thank you." Zsasz slit his throat and looked at me. "I released him from the monotony of life."

"Fair play." I said. "We now have a problem, though." I pointed at the fences stopping us from getting out. "They're electric. We touch them and we're dead."

Zsasz walked over to the three metal gates and looked at the left hand one. He bent down and gripped the bottom of it, and lifted. His muscles strained and he managed to open it slightly. "Get through." He said, the strain breaking his once calm voice. I quickly rolled under it and it slammed shut. "Find a way to switch off the power." I nodded and set off. In front of me was a lift, but it had ceased to work. I climbed on top of it and looked around. There was metal railing going up the wall, and I clambered up it, pulling myself up. I went round the corridor and slipped through a small hole in the wall, coming to the stairs. I looked down and saw Zsasz standing there, marking off his kills on his arm nonchalantly. To my left was a small control box, and I pulled my phone out. When the man hired me to break into the Arkham control tower he had put an app on my phone which would allow me to hack into locks and control boxes, so I loaded it up and got to work. In a few minutes the lights on the box turned off.

"You should be safe now!" I shouted down to Zsasz. He nodded and tentatively tapped the knife to the fence. The lack of his death pleased him and he opened the door, and sprinted up the stairs. We went through the door into another main hall. We paused as we looked in on it, it was full of water, a man stood with his back to us looking in the water. Zsasz walked behind him and spun him round, tripping him over. The man dangled above the water, his head skimming the surface.

"How do we get to the war room?" Zsasz asked.

"Please, pull me up." The man screamed. Zsasz loosened his grip slightly, and the man's head went in. Zsasz pulled him out again and looked at him. "Okay okay, the corridor behind you! There's a buttons on the left and right exhibits. The left one takes you to the war room, the right to the armoury. It's so that we can get through without being eaten by-" A shark leaped out of the water and clamped onto the man's head, ripping him from Zsasz's hands down into the water. Zsasz overbalanced and went in with him, and I quickly reached down, grabbing Zsasz's hand. I strained as I pulled the fully grown man up away from the shark before it got bored of the thug, and he looked at me.

"Thank you." He said. I walked to the exhibit on the left and searched it, finding a small switch. I flicked it and the exhibit descended into the floor, revealing a secret passage. We walked through it and came out another exhibit, still in the shark room, but in the corridor to the war room. We walked through the door and along the corridor. There was another large metal fence and I looked to my right.

Bud and Lou were in the exhibit, Bud wearing a top hat and Lou wearing a fez. Penguin had put them on display, and I punched the glass out of anger, then turned to the gate. Zsasz lifted it again and I slipped underneath it into the war room. Penguin had already set up displays for Harley and Joker, and I found our things sat on the side. I quickly pulled my clothes on and put my guns away, then grabbed Zsasz's. There was a phone and two knives, as well as a set of keys. I passed them through and he put the phone and keys in his pockets, attached the knives to two holsters. Zsasz looked at me, considering leaving me, but then lifted the gate up.

We made our way back to the entrance with no trouble, and stepped outside. I quickly shot Penguin's thugs. "Do you still want to see Black Mask?" Asked Zsasz.

"Yes." I replied.

"This way." He lead me through the streets until we got to the church, then lifted me high enough to get over the gate. "He is in there." Zsasz said.

He turned to leave. "Zsasz." I said, and he turned. "Thanks for helping me."

"It was a mutual agreement." Zsasz turned around and began walking. "But make no mistake, if I see you again, I will kill you intimately." He vanished into the darkness and I shuddered. I turned to the church, and stepped forward, then someone shoved a bag over my head and knocked me unconscious, something that was happening far too often for my liking.


	12. Chapter 11: Eviction Notice

**Chapter Eleven: Eviction Notice**

I woke up without my hoodie and vest on, and I looked around. I was in the church, my arms and legs tied to the cross. Great. Effectively, I had been crucified. I looked around and saw some of Sionis' thugs walking around. There was a large map of Arkham City pinned on one of the walls with various knives stuck in it. I soon worked out that they corresponded to the different gangs and their locations. The green handled knives scattered around the south Industrial District and Amusement Mile were Joker, the blue handles around the Bowlery were Penguin. Red was Two-Face in Park Row and Black was Black Mask in the north Industrial District. There were also plain knives scattered around with names such as 'Bane', 'Poison Ivy' and 'Great White Shark'.

I looked down to the pews and saw Firefly sitting there. He wore just his grey trousers and his skin was burned and scarred. His face and chest were less so than his arms, but it was still horrific, and he was missing much of his hair. He smirked at me. "Hey boss!" He shouted. "Kid's awake!"

A door opened and Black Mask walked out. He wore dark black pinstripe trousers with a matching waistcoat and tie and had a pink shirt on. I saw his guns in holsters underneath the waistcoat.

"Thanks for returning my gun, kid." He said, pulling it out. He pointed it at my chest. "I hope you don't mind, but I had to remove your vest, it being bulletproof and all."

"Don't worry about it." I said. "I've became quite accustomed to super-villains undressing me."

He put the gun back into its holster. "Now, to come here, you must either be stupid or insane. So which is it?"

"I want to make a deal with you." I said.

Black Mask chuckled. "So both." He turned to Firefly. "Go get Enigma."

"Riddler's here with you?" I asked.

"Yeah." Black Mask said, sitting down. "We really hit it off at that court Dent arranged."

The door opened and Firefly came back through, followed by Edward Nigma. He wore dark green trousers and a green waistcoat with a purple back, as well as a white shirt and purple tie. The sleeves were rolled up and his top button was undone, the tie loose and he wore purple fingerless gloves. He also had black boots and purple braces hanging down. His green bowler hat was absent, his brown hair messy and he wore a pair of purple glasses. He had his green cane in his hand.

"Looks like we have a visitor." Nigma said as he approached me. "Conor Drydale. Joker's newest lieutenant, and the youngest person in here." He looked up at me. "How've you lasted this long?"

"He says he's got a proposal for us." Firefly said, laughing.

"Is that so?" Riddler said.

"Yeah, and if it's no good, I'll cut his tongue out." Black Mask said. "Out with it kid."

"Right." I said, slightly in awe of the three of them. "Penguin wanted you to blow up the Steel Mill, right?"

"Correct." Growled Black Mask.

"But you don't want to, do you?" I asked. My whole argument teetered on this point.

"Not particularly." Black Mask said, and I gave out a sigh of relief. "Even with what the Clown's done to it, I still can't face to see it blown to hell."

"Well why don't you blow open a wall and escape?" I said. This is what I had been thinking about while I was locked opposite Zsasz, and I was quite happy with it.

"We've considered it." Firefly said.

"Oh." I replied.

"We have no idea when the TYGER forces patrol. We'd need to do it during one of the shift changes." Black Mask said, and I smiled.

"What if I told you that I had a full list of all the information Strange has?" I said.

"How did you get it‽" Riddler said, standing quickly. "I've been trying to hack into Strange's files for weeks."

"I went straight to the computer." I said.

"Could that work?" Black Mask asked Riddler.

"I suppose so." Enigma replied.

"Well, where is it?" Firefly said.

"Cut me down and I'll give it to you." I said. Black Mask pulled out his pistols and shot the ropes attaching me to the cross and I fell to the ground, hitting my legs hard. I stood and pulled the phone out of my boxers, and gave it to Firefly. He handed it to Riddler.

"I'll have a look at this." Riddler said, walking away and vanishing through a door.

"Garfield, watch the kid." Black Mask said, and stood up and walked away.

I sat next to Firefly and pulled out a cigarette. "Got a light?" I asked Firefly jokingly.

"Are you serious?" He replied. He passed me a lighter and I lit the cigarette and put it in my mouth.

I chuckled and offered him one. He took it and lit it, then I passed his lighter back. "So how'd you meet Sionis?"

"Well." Firefly started. "You old enough to remember that Christmas about seven years ago?"

"Yeah." I replied. "Joker pretended to be Black Mask and hired you to kill Batman."

"That's how." Firefly said. "Sionis escaped Blackgate and looked through his old contacts." I took a drag. "Most of them had abandoned him. I hadn't. It was just me, Zsasz, Walrus and Bronze Tiger."

"What happened to Zsasz, Walrus and Tiger?" I asked.

"Zsasz started killing too many people, Black Mask couldn't control him so Sionis let him go." Firefly said, tapping the ash from his cigarette. "Meanwhile he and Tiger and Walrus got busted by Batman. They went to Blackgate. Then there was a massive riot. Sionis took over part of the gaol, Tiger was forced to fight for Penguin, Walrus escaped."

"What happened next?" I asked, rolling the cigarette in between my thumb and forefinger.

"To cut a long story short Black Mask escaped and Tiger was recruited for a military thing." Firefly flicked the spent cigarette away and started playing with his lighter. "I still worked with Sionis from time to time while he was building up his criminal empire again."

"Cool." I said. We chatted some more, going through most of my cigarettes and eventually Black Mask and Riddler returned.

"It's good." Black Mask said, chucking my phone back to me, as well as my vest, hoodie and weapons.

"Thanks to the files on the phone, I'm now able to hack into Strange's files, and we also have a complete list of what we need." Riddler said. He had his green jacket on, the sleeves were rolled up and the lapels were purple; a large yellow question mark was on his back.

"We're breaking out in two hours." Black Mask said, straightening his tie. "Gar, be ready, Drysdale, you're coming with us."

"But I want to stay here." I said.

"You're coming with us to help us take out the guards." Black Mask said. "We need all the men we have."

"What if I don't want to?" I asked defiantly.

"Then I break your legs and leave you lying outside." Black Mask said bluntly. I'll be honest, that sort of cracked my resolve.

"You drive a hard deal, but I think I'll come with you." I answered.

"Looks like the lad has some common sense." Riddler said.

"Come on, we're addressing the gang." Black Mask said. Firefly dragged me to the side and I leant against the wall, Riddler sitting on a bench and Firefly next to me. Black Mask stood at in front of the cross at the front of the church. "Everybody here!" He shouted. "Now!"

After a few minutes his gang was collected together. They all wore dark masks, balaclavas and helmets, with white or gold skull patterns on them, emulating their leader like the other gangs did.

"Although Strange has been so kind letting us room here, I think we've overstayed our welcome!" He shouted to the crowd who cheered. "The fat little dwarf has graciously lent us some explosives, and using these, we'll blow open the wall and escape! Firefly and Riddler will be with us, and so will Conor Drysdale. Nobody kill him, no matter how annoying he is!"

"I resent that!" I shouted.

"I resent not cutting your tongue out." Black Mask replied. "Remember, there's always time though." I shut up after that. "Firefly will blow the wall open, then all we need to do is go TYGER hunting until we get far enough away. As soon as we get to safety we'll escape to Blüdhaven and build up the gang again. As soon as we're there, we'll decide what to do with the boy."

We left for the wall ten minutes after that. When we got there it was abandoned. There were no thugs, no political prisoners (who I quite enjoyed torturing) and no TYGERS. There were about thirty of us, and my hands were tied. Firefly had his mask on and was pointing his homemade flame thrower into my back, Riddler was walking with his bowler on. Black Mask was out in front, both pistols unholstered and a backpack slung over his back. He turned to us.

"Eddie, where do we place them?" Black Mask asked.

Riddler had a walk around, looking at the walls. He pulled out a phone and looked on it for a second, then tapped a spot on the wall. "Here." Black Mask chucked the bag to Firefly, who set to work pulling the explosives out, setting them to blow. Meanwhile Black Mask trained a pistol onto me. They had given me my weapons back in case we ran into trouble, but they still didn't trust me. After a few minutes Firefly stood up.

"It's done boss."

Black Mask nodded. He motioned for us to move back, then Firefly blew the wall open. It made a hole maybe three and a half feet across. Just as the smoke cleared and everything seemed quiet, gunfire rippled through the air. Soldiers ran about shooting, and Black Mask took three down in a couple of seconds, his accuracy impeccable. If I was going to make my escape it would be now. I ducked down and moved away from the fight, and I spotted three of Sionis' men grow into titans. They plowed through the soldiers and I saw Black Mask duck through the hole. Riddler was nowhere to be seen. I sprinted, my hands still tied. I had to get back to our territory quickly. It was about seven minutes until I was completely out of breath. Damn cigarettes… I walked the rest of the way until I spotted some guys in clown makeup. They looked at me.

"Conor!" One shouted.

"Thanks, I'd forgotten my name." I said snarkily. There were three people there, and I felt particularly annoyed that they didn't think to untie me. "You going to let me out?"

A man slit the ropes and I swung my arms round, rubbing my wrists.

"Give me your gun." I said to the nearest man. He handed me his pistol and I shot him in the head, then shot the other two. I threw the gun down and walked towards the entrance to the Steel Mill, making my way to Joker's office. When I opened the door I saw a flash of red, black and yellow and found myself lying on the floor, Harley on top of me kissing my cheeks.

"Harley, off the poor boy." Joker said, and coughed.

"Conny, you're back! We thought you was dead!" Harley said. I pushed her off me and stood up. She had black lines running down her face from where she had been crying. "Where's Bud and Lou?" She asked.

"Dead." I replied, and she started sobbing again. Joker pushed her out the way and she collapsed.

"Idiot." He muttered, then turned to me. "So, Penguin's dead kid."

"Not exactly." I said, and Joker looked at me quickly.

"What do you mean 'not exactly'?" He asked quickly.

"In that he's not dead." I said slowly.

"Kid!" He said, collapsing into his chair. "You had one job! Kill a fat guy half your height! How much easier could it be? You'll have to go back."

"But Puddin', he can't." Harley said. "What if he's killed?"

"Occupational hazard." Joker replied nonchalantly.

"Got rid of Black Mask though." I casually interrupted.

Joker and Harls turned their heads slowly in my direction, mouths slightly open. "Sionis is dead?" Harls asked.

"No. But he's escaped from Arkham." I answered.

"So he's not dead?" Joker asked.

"No."

"At least he's gone. Swings and roundabouts as I always say, good job kid." Joker coughed. "Go get some sleep."

I smiled and left the room, making my way back to my room to actually go to sleep voluntarily.


	13. Chapter 12: Mr J's New Toy

**Chapter Twelve: Mr J's New Toy**

A few weeks had passed and Joker had gotten progressively worse. His skin now had a rash, his cough was getting worse and he was weaker. Strange supplied Mr J with a constant stream of various doctors as part of the deal the pair had concocted, but none of them had had a breakthrough. Each time Joker would get angry and submit them to some form of psychological or physical torture. It was a shame, really. Some of the doctors were awfully pretty…

I was standing on a balcony looking over Arkham, watching the various patrols and thugs committing acts of violence. Since Black Mask's departure, out gang had grown, as had Tw-Face's. Joker and Two-Face were warring over Black Mask's territory, our reach now extended up to the old GCPD base where Freeze lived. I saw a group of thugs escorting a man with a backpack through the entrance and left to go to the office where this new man would inevitably be taken. If they were worth being escorted, they were taken to Joker. God I hoped Mr J was in a bad mood.

When I got to the office Joker was sat at the desk, blazer on the table and his sleeve rolled up, a doctor next to him taking blood and Harley stood behind him. The doctor was a girl, pretty, dark brunette and petite. Harley looked at me and saw me gazing at the doctor and smirked. She walked over to me and smiled.

"See anything you like?" She chuckled.

"I see a lot I like." I smirked. Harley sat down at the side and I sat next to her. "There's a guy coming in."

"What's he look like?" Joker asked as the doctor took the syringe out. He rolled his sleeve down and buttoned it up.

"Tall, thin, nothing impressive." I answered.

Joker put his blazer back on and shooed the doctor away. In a couple of minutes the was a knock on the door. Perlman came in, followed by the man. He was shaking slightly and had a backpack. He wore orange trousers and a white t-shirt, his brown hair receding slightly. Perlman shut the door and pushed the man into the middle of the room, then leant against the wall.

"Don't I know you?" Joker said, pointing at him. "Have you tried to shoot me before?"

"I u-used to work for the-the Venquilotrist." He stammered.

"I remember!" Joker shouted, pulling out his pistol. "You were there during that episode at the Gotham Library!" He cocked the pistol back and pointed it at the man. "We you the one who shot me with the rocket launcher?"

"N-no sir." The man said panicking.

"What's your name?" Joker said, waving the gun.

"Mugsy Binks." He said quicky.

"Mugsy hmm, you suit the name." Joker said. "So, Mugsy, you obviously want to join our little dysfunctional family, but there's a problem: today we kill all new people, so I'm afraid…" He raised his gun.

"No no wait!" Mugsy shouted, holding his hands up, but Joker pulled the trigger. A flag came out the end with 'bang' written on it and Mugsy screamed. Joker also screamed with laughter and dropped the gun onto the desk.

When Mr J had stopped coughing due to his laughing fit he looked at Mugsy again. "So what do you have to offer, for your life?" Joker asked.

"This." Mugsy said, slinging the bag off his back. He threw it to Joker, who opened it and gasped. He reached inside and pulled out a little wooden doll wearing a grey trilby and suit, a scar going through his eye.

"Oh God, not this again." Harley muttered.

"Scarface!" Joker shouted. "You're back!"

"_**Mr J! So nice to see ya again!**_" Joker said, mimicking Scarface's voice.

"You too Scarface. What've you been up to?"

"_**Oh ya know, blowing people's brains out, bullyin' Wesker, that sorta stuff.**_"

"Well you're both in! Welcome to the gang!" Joker shouted in joy. "Now all of you out!"

"But Puddin'!" Shouted Harley.

"Out!" Shouted Joker. "Me and Scarface need to catch up."

We walked out the room and Harley crossed her arms. She scowled at Mugsy. "Get outta my sight before I turn you into a doll." She said, then stormed off down the corridor. He looked at me.

"I'd sleep with one eye open if I were you mate." I smirked and walked off, following Harley.

: )

A week went past and it was clear to see Harley was getting more and more annoyed. Joker rarely spent any time with her anymore because of Scarface, and when he did he spent the whole time mocking and insulting her through Scarface. One morning I was woken by Harley. She stormed into my room and found me lying on the bed. She scowled at me.

"Do you never wear clothes?" She asked.

"Well in this place I get my clothes taken from me regularly, so I think what's the point."

She threw a pillow at me and I chuckled. "That doll is driving me insane!" Harley shouted.

"Yes." I said dryly. "Scarface is making you insane."

Harley shot me a look and sat on the bed, and I moved my legs out the way for her. "You need to do something for me."

"What is it this time?" I asked. I reached over and grabbed my cigarettes, lighting one. I offered one to Harls but she refused.

"You need to get me Scarface so I can turn it into firewood." Harley said. The cigarette dropped from my mouth and fell onto my thigh. I looked at her, then felt burning and jumped up, swearing. There was a small burn on my thigh now. I picked the cigarette up and sat back down.

"I don't think we should do that." I said to Harley. "If Joker catches me he'll probably cut my hands off."

"You don't do it and I'll cut something off."

I stood up. "I'll be right on it."

"Good boy Con."

: )

I slowly made my way to Mr J's office. He was talking to Strange at the moment so the office was empty. I opened the door and walked in. I quickly scanned the room and saw Scarface sitting on the side, then grabbed him. I rushed back out the door and walked into Hammer and Perlman.

"What are you doing Kiska?" Hammer asked.

"Just looking for Mr J." I said, hiding Scarface behind my back.

"What've you got there?" Perlman asked.

"Nothing." I said, trying to side-step the pair of them. Hammer grabbed me and slammed me against the wall and I dropped Scarface. Perlman picked him up.

"What are you doing with Scarface?" Perlman asked. "Boss'll be pretty annoyed if he vanished."

"Let go!" I shouted at Hammer.

"Drop him!" I heard Harley shout. Hammer released me and I dropped to the floor, landing awkwardly on my leg. I heard Harley's boots tap as she marched to us and ripped Scarface from Perlman's hands. He held her hand out to me and helped me up. "Nobody is to tell Mr J anything, you hear!" Harley said.

"Yes, ma'am." Perlman said.

"Of course." Hammer said.

"Come on Con." She said, and took my hand, pulling me away. As we walked away, I stuck my finger up at the pair of them. The two of us made our way back to my room and walked in. Harley dropped the doll on the floor. She grabbed a bottle of petrol and poured it over the doll then asked me for a match.

"Why are we doing it in my room?" I asked.

"Cause I'm not risking mine."

"There's millions of rooms in this place. There's massive boilers." I looked at her. "Why didn't we use those?"

"Didn't think of that." Harley said.

I sighed and handed her a match. She lit it and dropped it on the doll, who went up in flames. The pair of us stood there watching it burn. It was actually quite romantic. That was until we heard Joker.

"What are the pair of you doing!" He shouted. Harley shrieked and I panicked, and Joker looked at the floor, seeing the burning remains. He fell to his knees. "Who. Did. This." He said. Harley pointed at me, and I panicked and pointed at her. Joker stood and turned his back on us, sobbing. We watched him for a few seconds, then he spun and laughed, holding up another Scarface.

"What?" Harley said.

"Mugsy made him for me." Joker said, holding Scarface up. "I'm free to mutilate as many as I like, and when they get beyond repair, he makes me another to start all over again." Joker turned his back on us and hugged the doll. Scarface placed his hand to his eyes and then motioned to us. Harley looked at me worried.

"_**Dummies…**_"


	14. Chapter 13: Best Birthday Ever

**Chapter Thirteen: Best Birthday Ever**

Today was my sixteenth birthday. Yes, you're lovable narrator was now sixteen years old, old enough, to, well, been there done that. I woke up and saw Harley on a chair, watching me. When she saw I was awake she jumped up and pulled me out of bed. "Happy birthday Conny!" She shouted and handed me a card. It was only about four inches big, and had a drawing of me and her on the front. I opened it and read what it said:

_To the best little brother ever, I'm so glad we found you, happy sixteenth you psychotic little kid, lots of love, Harley x_.

I smiled as I read it, and slipped it into my pocket.

"I've got you a special present!"

"Cheers, Harls." I said, slightly dazed from the card. "What is it?"

"Bring it in boys!"

The door opened and I grabbed the sheets from my bed to cover myself up, and two men walked in. They were wearing party hats and carrying a large present, about three feet high and wide, with white spotty wrapping paper and a large red bow. They put it down, then walked out the room, closing the door behind them.

"Open it then Con." Harley said. I walked over to it and looked at it. I tried to lift it, but it was too heavy. I pulled one of the ribbons and the bow came undone. The paper split down the edges and he sides fell down, exposing the present inside: the Doctor from earlier. She was tied up and gagged, her makeup smudged and her dark hair messy, her doctor's clothes messed up, ripped with stains of paint. I smirked. "I thought you'd like it." Harley said.

The doctor writhed against the binds and tried to scream, but the gag stopped her. "Harley, I love it." I walked around the doctor, looking at her, my smirk getting bigger.

"Yay!" Harley shouted. "Have as much fun as you like. Joker's only going to kill her anyway, but I convinced him to let you have her for a while. As soon as you're done, put her down and get to the harbour. Mr J has a special surprise for you." Harley walked out the room and I heard the door lock. I smiled and looked at the doctor. She watched me. I smirked.

: )

An hour after I was walking through the corridors towards the harbour. It was largely unused due to the fact that anyone who tried to leave by boat would be blown up by the TYGERs, especially since they now had machine guns thanks to Black Mask's escape. It was mostly used for storage. I was following green arrows on the floor with my name, left by Joker so I'd know where to go. They lead me to a metal door and I walked in. We were outside a large metal chainlink fence, an area about thirty feet long and fifteen feet across fenced in. There was a large metal gate at the one end and Joker sat in a chair next to the fence.

"What is this place?" I asked him.

"My carnival, my dear lad." Joker said. "I thought to myself, Bane has, well had, a fight club, Penguin has a fight club, why not me?"

"So you did this?" I asked.

"Yeah." Joker said. "Take a seat."

I sat down and looked into the arena. There were about six thugs in there wearing orange, some holding baseball bats.

"Let's see who's in Joker's funhouse tonight." Joker said into a microphone. A dark feminine figure dropped down and I stood up quickly. "Ooh! Catwoman!"

She stood there: magnificent. She was slim and fit, a tight black suit and high heels, jacket partially unzipped and collar up. Her cowl had large ears and her red goggles were on her forehead. I saw her claws glint as she stretched and her whip hung at her belt.

"Where's the phone Joker?" She asked, looking over at us.

"Get it when you win!" Joker shouted back. The thugs ran at Catwoman and she immediately sprang into action, slashing at the thug nearest to her. She then dived towards the next, smacking him in the face, then kicking a guy running up behind her. "Looks like I broke a nail." I heard Catwoman say mockingly as she scratched a thug.

"Let's see just how many lives the kitty cat has left!" Joker said.

"It's Catwoman!" I said to Joker.

"Yes, it is."

"Catwoman!"

"Stop being such a fanboy…"

I looked back and saw Catwoman jump in the air, landing on one thug and then taking down another two at the same time. "Come on boys. You're not making this very challenging." Catwoman purred.

"Did that surprise anyone? I mean we're only at level one!" Joker said.

I saw her beat up a thug before gliding to another.

"Level two!" Joker shouted. A man wearing body armour vaulted into the arena and went to punch Catwoman. She ducked out of the way and grabbed his arm, twisting it. I heard the break and cheered. "Who's side are you on kid?"

We looked at Catwoman and she picked up a baseball bat and smashed a thug, knocking him out, then ducked out of the way of another thug, causing him to hit one of his team mates.

"What are you trying to do in there? Put someone in the hospital!" Joker laughed as Catwoman knocked another guy out. "Anyone need a doctor? Conor's already had one!" Joker laughed.

Catwoman knocked out another three thugs and the bodies had started to pile up. She pulled out her whip and I almost squealed with excitement. She lashed it around, smacking inmates and yanking their weapons from their hands.

"Round three! Did anyone call for mystical ninja assassins?"

"What the hell!" I said, as the gates opened at the far end of the room and two women sprinted in. What little clothes they were wearing were purple and they had black tattoos going up their arms and back. They both carried katanas.

"Oooh, actually someone worth a fight Joker?" Catwoman said.

"Where the hell did you get ninja assassins?" I asked Joker as I watched them slash at Catwoman.

"You'd be surprised what you'll find in this city. They came as a pair. Were willing to join my little organisation." Joker paused. "We'll after a few weeks' worth of psychological and physical torture they were." Joker laughed, and I watched Catwoman break a ninja's arm and smash her in the head with the hilt of her own katana. "Your turn." Joker said.

"What?"

"Go on, get yourself in there."

"Against Catwoman?"

"Yeah."

"I'll be ripped to shreds."

"She might give you an autograph."

"She won't."

We both looked at her fighting, then saw her kiss one of the men, then knocked him out.

"I'm going in." I said, and climbed the fence. I dropped down and watched her fighting, picked up a knife. I went to slash her and she kicked me in the stomach, which hurt like hell. You might criticise me, but if you've ever been kicked in the stomach by an athlete in a stiletto you wouldn't be laughing. I reached down for my knife and ran back at her, and she grabbed my arm. She twisted it and looked me in the face confused.

"You're like, fifteen." She said.

"Sixteen actually." I said, winking. She smiled and pushed me away.

"Round five!" Joker shouted. "Oooh, he looks big!"

Hammer walked through the metal doors and grunted. Catwoman fixed him with a look.

"Come on big boy." She purred. She ran towards him and he swung his hammer. She leapt, jumping over him and pushing off from his shoulders and started to punch and claw his back.

"I will crush you Koshka." Hammer growled.

A crowd had gathered behind Catwoman, scared of attacking her. One man went to punch and she turned, breaking his wrist then jumped over Hammer as he swung and knocked out all the guys. Catwoman attacked again, then jumped up on Hammer's shoulders. She wrapped her arms around his throat and squeezed, and after a few seconds, Hammer dropped to the floor unconscious. You don't know how much I was in love with her at that moment. I heard a roar behind me and spun, then leapt out of the way as a Titan came charging past. He knocked over a load of thugs and went to grab Catwoman.

"That looks like it hurt!" Joker shouted, then started laughing as the Titan punched thugs out the way with sickening cracks. Catwoman whipped it in the face a few times and it clutched at its head in pain, staggering backwards. She then proceeded to punch and scratch it, countering the thugs around her, and then swung up onto the titan and jumped on its back. It slammed its hands onto the floor, smashing any thugs in the way and Catwoman did a backflip off the Titan. It turned to face her and she whipped it again, continuing with its beating. This time she swung up and wrapped her whip around the Titan's neck and perched on its back. It roared as she manoeuvred it into the thugs, riding the Titan like a horse. The Titan slammed into the wall and Catwoman back flipped; slamming the Titan's head into the ground knocking him out. She then quickly zipped between the remaining thugs, knocking them out.

I ran, ready to punch and she kicked me in the chest, pinning me against the wall.

"So kid, what're you doing here?" She asked as her claws dug into my neck.

"Shoot her kid!" Joker shouted.

"Shut up Joker!" She shouted back, then looked at me again. "You're a bit young, aren't you?"

"Well how old would you like me to be?" I asked, winking. She smiled and released me and I dropped to the ground.

"You're pretty cute kid." She said, winding her whip back up.

"Cheers." I answered, rubbing my throat.

"So why're you in here?"

"Strange caught me sneaking around his building." I answered.

"Been there, done that." Catwoman said. "That's actually why I'm here. Joker stole my phone."

"So you've came to get it back." I said.

"That she did!" Shouted Joker. Music started playing and confetti burst out, raining down.

"Oh God…" Catwoman muttered.

"And now, what's her prize Harley?"

Harley walked out, a present in her hand. "Hey babe." She said to Catwoman. "Here you go." She slid the present to Catwoman who picked it up. She undid the bow and pulled her phone out, then looked at Joker.

"Seriously?" She looked at the phone again. "No explosives? No Smylex? No, I don't know, rattlesnake?"

"Nope." Joker said. "I'm going to kill you another time. Now get lost."

Catwoman smirked. "Bye Harls. See you later kid." She jumped to the ceiling and escaped through a vent.

Best. Birthday. Ever.


	15. Chapter 14: Asked Some Strange Questions

**Chapter Fourteen: Asked Some Strange Questions**

"Conor Drysdale: Make your way to the Processing Area." A voice boomed over the speakers of Arkham. "Failure to comply with this will result in disciplinary measures. That is all."

These were a common thing. Since this was still technically a medical prison the inmates were still going through therapy. Most inmates were seen by run-of-the-mill psychologists, but the real psychos like Joker, Penguin and Two-Face went to see Strange. There were rumours that Strange was making deals with the gang leaders, among others. It was certainly true for Joker; that was how he kept getting doctors to check him and inevitably carve up, and Penguin had somehow got his hands on so many guns I wondered if there were any left in Gotham.

I never thought I'd be instructed to go to the therapy. I wasn't an official prisoner and I had been in this place for about seven months. This was my first time. There was no point in your old narrator just not going. I had heard that when that happens, the TYGER soldiers are sent in to brutalise you a bit then drag you there, and I bruise easily, so I made my way to the place.

There were TYGERs stationed outside and they immediately raised their rifles at me.

"Drysdale." One said.

"That's little old me." I said back. "Do I get to keep my clothes on this time?" I asked sarcastically.

"Weapons." The man said, pointing at a table, choosing to ignore my witty comment, which was rude of him. Here's me trying to provide interesting dialogue for all of you readers, and he doesn't seem to care. Philistine. I took my pistol and SMGs out and placed them on the table, then took two knives from my pockets, also placing them on the table.

"Happy?" I said.

"Get in." The man said, pointing at the door. I walked in and they shut the door behind me. I was in a long corridor, about twenty feet long. Two guards were at the end, each with a gun stood, well, guarding the door. I walked down the corridor and alarms suddenly sounded. I paused as the guns were raised at me.

"Prohibited items detected." The alarm's robotic voice informed them. I swore.

"All of your weapons. On the floor." The guard at the end said. I reached down my jeans and pulled out a knife, as well as some Smylex. I then took the glove off my left hand and placed the joy buzzer on the floor.

"Subject is clean."

"Hardly." I said. "I've not been able to condition my hair in months." I smirked and was pushed through the door by the guards, entering a dark room. Strange was sat across a table, two more guards in the room. "Strangey." I said, smiling. I sat in the chair opposite him and smiled. "How you been?"

"That is what we're here to ask you." Strange said in his monotonous voice.

"I've been just peachy." I answered. "Met all of my heroes, haven't I."

"Yes, your new family." Strange replied. Do you not feel concerned for your personal wellbeing."

"Not anymore." I looked him in the eyes. Well, I hoped they were his eyes. His glasses made it hard to judge. "Do you feel concerned for yours?"

"Is that a threat, Mr Drysdale?"

"Knowing me it's just empty, but we'll have to see. You see I've almost been killed many, many times. It might have thrown me off the deep end."

"I was going to go onto that next. You've met an extraordinary amount of serial killers and sociopaths. Why are you not dead?"

"Were you hoping I would be?" I asked. "Which serial killers are you talking about?"

"Joker." Strange said.

"Aww, he's just a little pussy cat. Harmless."

"Penguin."

"Lovely chap."

"Riddler Black Mask Firefly."

"Great bunch of guys."

"Killer Croc."

"Wonderful taste in alcohol."

"Harley Quinn."

"She sometimes reminds me of Ben 10 you know."

"Victor Zsasz."

"Nice company."

"Anyone else would have died by now, but you seem to have the ability to postpone your death."

"What can I say? I'm a charismatic son of a-"

"Charisma would indicate that these people like you." Strange said. "I don't think any do."

"Penguin does." I answered, enjoying the back and forth arguing of this session.

"He likes you for being unique. You'd still be locked in a cage, probably dead by now." Strange said.

"You mean like you've done to me?" I asked. I saw a flicker of anger flash across his face and I leant back on my chair. "Harley likes me."

"She's also in love with the Joker." Strange argued.

"You know Strangey, I really want to kill you." I said.

"I think this is over." Strange answered. He stood and turned to the guards. "Do what you want, but make sure he's not dead."

Just as he was about to leave, I quickly jumped up. I had no idea what I was doing, I just did things. I tried to grab Strange, but one of the TYGERs grabbed me. Strange left and they started beating me. It wasn't as bad as the last time: I still had me clothes on, meaning I still had my vest so it didn't hurt as much. Still blacked-out though…

: )

I woke up lying in the street. My vision was blurred and my weapons were next to me. I had obviously been dumped out here. My body ached, and I heard some footsteps. I looked up and saw a small silhouette of a man. From what I could make out, he was wearing a long coat and a big hat. He pulled something out of his pocket, something dangling on a chain, and swung it gently. My head began to hurt. I tried to move, but couldn't.

"Alice?"

I blacked-out.


	16. Chapter 15: Dream Date With a Dream Girl

**Chapter Fifteen: Dream Date With my Dream Girl**

"Ow my head." I said, sitting up. I rubbed my eyes, then swore. "What the hell…"

I was in a forest, but it was a weird forest, the trees were odd, the flowers strange. Behind me was the a golden frame of a mirror, but the glass had been smashed. Two eight inch shards lay by me.

"Nice dress kid." A voice said. I panicked, and looked around, then saw Catwoman sitting in a tree watching me.

"What do you mean: 'nice dress'?" I asked.

"Look down." Catwoman replied. I looked down and swore. Once again someone had taken my clothes from me, and instead I was wearing a dress. It was sleeveless, stopping above my chest, the tight corset keeping it in place, and the skirt of the dress stopped halfway down my thighs. The skirt puffed out, and the majority of the dress was light blue, with black and white lace.

"I'm going to kill whoever put me in this." I snarled. "I'm sick of losing my clothes."

Catwoman swung down. Someone had splashed blue and pink paint over her black costume, giving her blue and pink stripes. "I don't know. Some better makeup and you could pull it off." She chuckled.

"Where are we?" I asked her, grabbing the two long shards of glass, holding them like knives.

"Mad Hatter's little visions." Catwoman said. "I'm the Cheshire Cat, and you're-"

"Don't you dare!"

"Alice."

"I can't believe you did." I said, and Catwoman smirked at me. "So how do we get out of here?"

"Beat up Hatter." She said. "He went down there." She pointed to a hole in the ground.

"Ladies first." I said.

"Well, you are a little girl now." She replied. I stuck my finger up at her, then jumped down the hole. I slid down it, holding my skirt to keep it from blowing up. Honestly, how do you girls wear these things? Granted, you're usually not sliding down holes, but still, how? Anyway, back to the story. This next bit's good.

I saw a light and fell out of the hole. I landed in a chair in what seemed to be a pub. Catwoman landed across the table from me. I looked around and saw about twenty other people, all sat at tables, some wearing rabbit masks, others in frog masks, more in fish masks. Gang thugs, I guessed. I picked up the cup of tea in front of me and looked at the stage, where a beautiful brunette was dancing.

"Looks like we have ended up on a date." I said, winking at Catwoman.

"Don't get your hopes up kid." Catwoman replied.

"You reckon there's any FanFiction between the Cheshire Cat and Alice we can indulge in?" I smirked.

"As much as I'd love to fool around with a fifteen year-"

"Sixteen."

"-old boy, Hatters just arrived."

"Sixteen."

"-old boy, Hatters just arrived."

I looked up at the stage and saw Hatter standing there. He was short, wearing the same clothes as from the Court. He looked at me and smiled.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" He shouted. "Tonight we have two very special guests! Alice and the Cheshire Cat!" A spotlight lit us up, and the crowd cheered. The pair of us stood up.

"Hatter!" Catwoman shouted, and started walking towards him.

We got to the stage and I grabbed him, holding him up. "Alice!" Shouted Hatter.

"If you don't let us go, I'm going to drown you in tea." I snarled, throwing him across the stage.

"Alice!" Hater screamed as I placed my foot on his chest, pressing down.

"Let us go Tetch." Catwoman said.

Suddenly something grabbed me from behind and threw me, and I smashed into a wall. I looked up and saw a large brute of a man, about six foot four, shirtless so we could see just how muscular he was. He wore black trousers and large gloves and had close-cropped brown hair. Most notably though was a sort of muzzle he wore. It was made of metal and was a sort of collar, protecting his neck, but also had two large metal spikes decending about nine inches from his face, replicating a walrus. A girl swung down, and I'd seen her before. It was Carpenter, in her blue overalls and hat, her blonde hair in a ponytail, drill in her hand. A small hatchet was in her belt.

"I think we've just met the owners of this pub." Catwoman said, pulling me up.

"You're not Alice!" Screamed Hatter. "Walrus! Carpenter! Deal with them!" He ran behind the curtain and vanished.

Walrus ran at us and we dived out the way, and I saw Catwoman go after Carpenter. Great, that left me with Walrus. He tried to grab me and I dodged out the way. I tried to slash at him with the glass but he swiped at me with his metal tusks. I slashed again and he grabbed my arm, throwing me again. Meanwhile, the crowd cheered. I looked over at Catwoman and saw Carpenter swinging at her with the hatchet, and saw three screwdrivers that had been stabbed into the wall already. I got back up and Walrus attacked again, I dodged. I managed to slash him, but the wound wasn't deep enough to cause anything save for irritation. He roared and went for me again, and I came up with a plan. I slashed at him and got him along the arm. He charged at me and I backed against the wall. At the last moment I jumped, and his metal tusks got lodged in the wall. I kicked him in the back before he could get out of the wall, then jumped up on his shoulders. I grabbed the clasps for the mask and yanked it off, and Walrus fell backwards. Before he could stand up I slammed his head into the ground a few times, and knocked him out.

I looked over at Catwoman and saw her punch Carpenter, knocking her out as well. There was a trail of debris; screwdrivers stuck in the walls, holes due to drills and an axe. "Your dress has blood over it." Catwoman said.

"Forget that." I said, and ripped it off. Underneath I was wearing my boxers, but also had blue paint over me so that I still had that 'Alicey' feel to me.

"Honestly kid, if you'd have shown me that six pack first time I saw you I'd have flirted back."

"You like it?" I said, winking.

"Quite good for a fifteen year old." Catwoman chuckled.

"I swear…" I muttered.

"Hatter went through here." Catwoman said, pointing to a door which was behind the curtain. "Let's go."

"Me first again, I presume."

"Course babe." Catwoman answered.

I sighed and walkd through. I went through the door and found myself in a clearing in a forest. There were cards scattered all over the floor and two large men were arguing. Both were about the same height as Walrus was, and also lacked shirts. The first one had long blond hair that went down to his waist and black trousers. He wore a helmet which had a large foot long horn.

The second man was black with short hair, just as muscular as the previous two shirtless men (which I suppose you could now count me as too). He had a large fur hood and collar which looked like a lion's mane, and clawed gloves. He held a crown in his hand. Mad Hatter stood in front.

"It's mine! Not yours Unicorn!" The black man shouted.

"No Lion!" Replied Unicorn. "It's mine!"

"Stop arguing! The Not-Alice is coming this way!" Hatter shouted. "Cheshire's helping!"

"You don't deserve it!" Shouted Lion.

"You enjoying all these shirtless men?" I asked Catwoman.

"Of course. I like you as well." Catwoman replied.

"Than- hey. Are you saying I'm not a man?" I said offended.

"Except for you head, you're hairless." Catwoman replied.

"I shave…" I said.

"No. You don't." Catwoman answered.

"There they are!" Shouted Hatter. He started running down the path, through a large archway. "Whoever kills the Not-Alice wins the crown!"

Both men turned and looked at me. I swore, and Unicorn charged. I dived and went to stab him, but Lion immediately attacked, and I narrowly missed having my throat ripped open. I dived to the side again as Unicorn resumed his attack.

"Catwoman!" I shouted, dodging Unicorn. "Any chance of a hand?"

Lion swiped at me again, and I dodged, then saw Catwoman leap. She landed on Unicorn's head and his horn lodged into the ground, and then she slammed his head into the ground, knocking him out. Lion got distracted and I tackled him, falling to the ground. Catwoman jumped on him and knocked him out as well.

"So how many more of these guys do we have do you think?" I asked Catwoman, sitting down for a rest for a second.

"Well the Tweedles usually work for Hatter." Catwoman said.

I sighed. "I'm out of breath."

"It's because you smoke too much." Catwoman said, holding her hand out.

I grabbed it and she pulled me up. "Let's go." I said.

We followed the path and came to a large wooden arch. Stood on either side were two large men, dressed in overalls and bald.

"Told you." Catwoman said to me. "Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber."

"We're going to rip you in half Cheshire." Tweedle Dum said.

"Then we're going to rip the Not-Alice apart." Tweedle Dee said.

"Enough talk." I said. I leapt at Tweedle Dee and slashed him with my glass blades. He screamed and tried to grab me, but I ducked under his arms and tripped him over. I jumped onto his chest and punched him repeatedly in the face until he was unconscious. I stood and saw Catwoman had been grabbed by Tweedle Dum, and he was using her as a not-very-good shield, what with him being about quadruple the width of her.

"Hatter told us about you." Tweedle Dum said. "How you beat up Walrus and Carpenter, Lion and Unicorn, and now Dee. Well not me! You must think you're so great, but you're wrong. After I've beaten up the both of you, I'll drag you back to Hatter and then we'll-"

"I hate monologues." Catwoman said. She clawed his arm and he dropped her, and she spun and kicked him in the groin. He then did that stupid thing that most guys do and knelt over in pain, so she slammed his head into her knee.

"So we're almost done?" I asked.

"I reckon so."

We carried on walking and eventually came to a long table. Hatter was sat at it, and screamed when he saw the pair of us.

"Hare! Quick!"

A woman stood up: the March Hair. She wore a tight brown dress that stopped at her thighs and had boots going to her knees. She had rabbit ears on her blonde head and had a white bow tie and gloves. She also held an assault rifle, which she shot at us. Me and Catwoman hid behind some statues and waited for her to run out of ammunition. I looked over at Catwoman and did a thumbs up, and she smiled. The gunfire stopped and I was about to race out, but Catwoman held up her hand. She pulled out a bola and threw it up, and more gunfire sounded, and Catwoman quickly threw another at her. We heard her fall to the floor and we raced out, seeing her tangled reaching for her rifle. As we were running Catwoman kicked her in the face, knocking her out and I slid across the table, grabbing Hatter, slamming him against the table. I punched him in the stomach knocked him out.

"So how do we get out of this?" I asked Catwoman.

She went to him and rummaged through the pockets. She pulled out a pocket watch. "Here we go." She slammed it against the table and the vision vanished, and we appeared in a room. I saw my clothes and weapons on the side and redressed myself.

"Well, that was fun." Catwoman said. "Maybe when you're older, we can do this more often." She kissed me on the cheek and started to walk away.

"Catwoman." I said nervously.

"Yeah?" She said turning.

"Could you sign this for me?" I asked, grabbing a napkin from the table.

Catwoman chuckled and smiled at me.


	17. Chapter 16: Ice Puns Galore

**Chapter Sixteen: Ice Puns Galore**

A couple of weeks after that Joker said he had another mission for me. I walked into his office and saw him behind his desk. He looked really rough. He'd deteriorated so much that he rarely appeared in public anymore, letting me and Harley deal with the gang. He was now unable to stand for extended periods of time. Perlman was stood in the office too.

"Kid, I'm desperate." Joker said. "So you're going to go visit Freeze. Take some of my blood and get him to make a cure. You might get an icy reception though-" Joker burst out laughing, then coughing up blood "so if he does give you the cold shoulder steal his wife."

"That's cold." I said, chuckling.

"Stop it kid! I make the jokes!" Joker chuckled and laughed and coughed. "Perlman's going with you, and so's a group, to help bring Mrs Claus back. Get to it."

We walked out the room, and as we were walking out of the building we met up with Harley.

"Hey Harls." I said.

"So I hear you're going to see Freezy." She replied. "Just remember, stay cool when you meet him." She said.

"Don't worry, I'll tell a joke to break the ice."

"If anything goes wrong just tell him to chill."

"That was the icing on the cake."

"Don't get cold feet."

With that one we both broke into laughter for a few minutes. "So where are you off to?" I asked Harley.

"Mr J's got me going all the way down the sewers doing some reconnaissance." She replied. "I probably won't be back for a few days."

"Have and ice time." I joked.

"Shut up you loon." She replied, and winked. "When I get back I'm going to show you something good."

"Can't wait." I replied.

As we were walking Perlman spoke to me. "You really like Harley don't you?" He asked.

"Yeah." I replied. "She's like my older sister."

"She likes you a lot too."

"Really?"

"Yeah." Perlman said. "You're like her little brother."

I remembered her card, and smiled. We walked outside in front of the group of people who'd be coming with us. Perlman was about to step up and make the speech, but I held my arm out.

"Can I so the speech?" I asked.

"Sure." Perlman said. I stepped up and cleared my throat.

"Today, we're taking on Freeze. I know he gives some of you the chills, but we've got to keep a cool head." I sniggered. "But we can't kill him. He's really smart, probably so smart that he could win the Snowbell Prize if he wanted. Now I know we haven't had a fight like this in an age, you could say an ice-age but I'm confident we can kick some ice and-"

"That's enough." Perlman said, and pulled me back. "Those jokes were awful."

"They were snow good." One of the thugs shouted.

"Icy what you did there." I answered.

"Shut up!" Perlman shouted. "We'll all go into the room Freeze is in. If he co-operates, great. If he doesn't, I'll keep him busy, Conor will take you to find his wife."

"Shame he doesn't have any chilledren." I said, laughing.

"I'm going to strangle you." Perlman said.

"Do you have absolute zero love for my puns?"

Perlman ignored me after that until we got to the police station. I turned to Perlman. "What month is it?"

"September." He answered.

"Oh." I said. "I thought it was Octoburrr."

We made our way inside and walked into the large room. Freeze was stood at the one end, pale white skin and a large metal suit.

"Ice suppose I should introduce myself. Conor Drysdale, at your servICE."

"What do you want?" He said, pointing his gun at us.

Perlman was about to speak, but I wasn't about to pass up an opportunity like this. "Freeze! Cool it." I said. "Freeze, we're here to ask a request."

"What is it, child?"

"The Joker's got a cold, well, really more of a dire sickness. If we don't do something to help, he's going to a cold grave."

"What is the point of this?"

"We need you to help." I said.

"No."

"Missed opportunity to say 'it'll be a cold day in hell when I help him'." I muttered. "If you don't want to, we'll make you."

"Then I'll kill you first, and turn your ice to blood."

"That was an ice joke." I laughed. "But seriously, don't leave us out in the cold."

He shot his ice gun at us and we ducked behind cover. "Do you think he likes Coldplay?" I asked. "Snow Patrol? Arctic Monkeys?"

"Shut up!" Perlman roared. He exploded and grew, mutating into a massive brown monster. I panicked and shot him, and he hit me, slamming me into the wall. The rest of the group also panicked and ran out of the room. Cowards…

"What the hell?" I shouted.

"My thoughts exactly." Freeze said. His visor rose up and the blue LEDs on his suit lit up, and his goggles glowed red. "It would seem that Clayface was with you, and you didn't even know it."

"Looks like Perlman had a dirty little secret." I said.

"I see there aren't only ice jokes in your repertoire."

Clayface attacked Freeze, who shot his ice gun, freezing his arm. Clayface roared and shapeshifted into a dinosaur, and went to attack Freeze again, who made a wall of ice.

"Hey Freeze!" I shouted from behind a table. "What killed the dinosaurs?"

"I'm not even going to grace that question with an answer." Freeze said, as he shot at Clayface.

Clayface grabbed me and threw me through a window, then shot in after me. I looked at him and saw that he had turned into me. I realised what he was doing. He was pointing at me, trying to make Freeze think that I was Clayface so that I'd be killed. Traitor. So I did the only sensible thing for someone trying to prove who they really were. I pulled out my gun and shot the imposter in the head. His head exploded, clay splattering everywhere, the I legged it. I sprinted to the door, then turned back.

"I'm going to banana split!" I shouted, and Freeze aimed his gun at me, blocking off the door. I tutted to myself as I walked off to find the gang. "That joke was rubbish. I could think of better ones in my sleet." I chuckled. I found the gang, who had already located Nora. I looked at her and shrugged. She wasn't that hot. Okay, not even I know whether that was meant to be a joke.

We arranged for her to get taken to a nearby warehouse, then I made my way back to the Steelmill. I walked into Joker's office and saw him stood, leaning against the wall. Harley was with him.

"Why didn't you tell me Perlman was Clayface?" I said.

"I didn't think you needed to know." Joker replied casually.

"That whole mission could have snowballed."

"Did it?" Joker enquired.

"No." I said. "We've got Nora."

"Good lad." Joker replied.

"Hold on." I said, not waiting to see if Joker was finished. "I have more to sleigh."

"How many ice jokes have you made?" Joker asked.

"I don't know, like thirty four or something." Count them, oh dear readers.

"Did you do anything else to Clayface?" Joker asked.

"No."

"Liar!" Harley shouted.

"Harls, what's the-" Harley's arm suddenly shot out and slammed me into the wall, her shoulder turning into clay as it got to her lower arm and hand which was pinning me against the wall. Harley was away. Clayface was here, hiding as he had been since I'd first came into Arkham.

"Well you see, I thought, as you shot dear old Basil here." Joker said, walking over to me. "It's only fair that he gets an opportunity to kill you."

"This is bul-" I began, but Clayface's hand smothered my mouth, stopping me speaking and breathing. I struggled and Joker came close to my face.

"Nighty night Conny."


	18. Chapter 17: The Joker's Carnival

**Chapter Seventeen: The Joker's Carnival**

I woke up lay down in the Joker's Carnival. There were five men around me, all thugs.

"It looks like little Conor Drysdale has woken up!" Shouted Joker. "Let's see if he survives!"

I swore to myself and quickly got up. They had taken my bullet proof vest but I still had all my weapons, but only about seven bullets, so I'd have to limit myself. I pulled my knives out, held one in each hand and waited for the first attack.

"What are you mugs waiting for!" Shouted Joker. "Kill him!" Joker laughed manically, and the closed thug went to punch me.

"I'm going to enjoy beating you up kid." He snarled as he lunged, and I ducked and slashed his throat with the knife. He dropped to the floor drowning in his own blood.

"That looks like it hurt!" Shouted Mr J.

As the second man ran at me I decided I needed to escape. I broke the man's arm and stabbed him in the chest a few times before kicking him to the floor. I wasn't going to risk winning only for the Joker to kill me, which knowing him, he'd do. I countered the next man's attack and kicked the back of his legs, knocking him to the floor then stamping on his face.

"You guys are getting beaten by a kid!" Joker shouted. "Show some talent or I'll shoot you all!"

I threw my knife at the next man and he panicked, giving me enough time to dash forward and stab him again, pulling both knives out. I heard a step behind me and ducked, avoiding a punch, then stabbed at this man's leg.

"Round two!"

I heard another guy and spun, thrusting my knife into his chest. Well, ideally I'd have done that, but he was wearing body armour, so the knife was ripped from my grasp and dropped on the floor. The guy punched me in the face and I swore and spat blood out. I looked at the armour he was wearing and was glad when I realised it was Joker's variant. I had seen it before so knew all the weak spots. I made it look like I was going to slash at the guy's shin so he went to defend there, but as he blocked my fake, I quickly moved and stabbed him in a gap in his armour on the back of the neck. He dropped to the ground and I picked up the other knife.

"Ooh!" Shouted Joker "Ninjas!"

The gates at the end opened and the two tattooed, scarred ninja girls ran in. I knew I had no chance against them, so before they could even raise their swords, pulled out my pistol and shot them both in the head and they dropped dead. Five bullets left.

"Hey kid!" Shouted Joker angrily. "You have any idea how hard they are to come by!"

I chuckled at his annoyance and slipped my gun away, going back to slicing apart his thugs. I heard Joker shout "Level four!" but paid no attention to it. I stabbed one guy in the eye then threw my knife into another's chest, then heard the click of an assault rifle.

"Someone's left some dangerous weapons in there!" Joker laughed. I turned and saw a man readying a rifle at the other end of the room. He was too far away for me to get to and still have my beautiful (and beautiful it is) face shot apart. I quickly pulled out my pistol and shot twice, missing the first time but getting a headshot the second time. Three bullets.

A man grabbed me from behind and punched me, and I blinked blood from my eyes. I felt blood pool into my mouth and I was pushed roughly onto the floor. My left hand hit the ground awkwardly and my single remaining knife clattered away from me. The thug picked it up and leered towards me. I quickly pulled the pistol out and shot him in the face. Two bullets and it wasn't even round five. Before anyone else could assault me I had grabbed my knives again.

Trust Joker to do this. Take me in and give me a home for a few months, make sure I survived and became one of the best soldiers in this whole damn prison. I had done things nobody else had: got rid of Black Mask, been through one of Hatter's illusions, escaped the Penguin's museum, fought with Bane and seen the Iceman and survived each encounter, so the only thing left for Joker to do was kill me in the cruellest way possible. The only one who could possibly save me: Harley, was away, probably sent away by the Joker so he could have his jollies with me before she got back, and then say I had been killed on the way to Freeze. Hell, he might even get rid of my body and pretend I had never returned. The killing joke of the Clown Prince of Crime.

"Level five!" Shouted Joker. The gates opened again and I decided that was where I was going to escape. Hammer lumbered through, looking menacing.

"Goodbye Kiska." He bellowed. "I will crush your skull under my hammer." He swung it at me and I shot him in the face and he fell to the floor, then I sprinted towards the gate which was rapidly closing.

"Stop him!" Shouted Joker. I slid under the gate, but a thug had grabbed my hood, trapping it under the metal. I slid out of it and the cold suddenly hit my bare skin. I hadn't realised how cold it was, what with the threat of death. I stood up and dusted myself off, checking the chamber of my gun. One bullet left. I looked through the bars and stuck my tongue out. Then my heart sank.

I looked at Hammer's body: it was twisting and rising again, the flesh becoming dark brown mud, and it carried on rising until it reached ten foot, at which point it expanded. The small menacing head fitted oddly on the massive muscular fat body of clay, almost comically if he wasn't so damn terrifying. He roared at me and his arm turned into a scythe, then he smiled.

"Oh little Conor!" Clayface bellowed.


	19. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

I sprinted through the corridors of the Steelmill, Clayface laughing behind. Every now and then I'd turn back, to see him leering at me, a different face each time: Harley, Sionis, Croc, Strange, Joker. I needed to separate myself from him if I was going to get away, but how could one get away from sentient mud? Every door I closed he either slammed open or slipped through the cracks. I had one bullet left and that was no use to me, I had tried to shoot Clayface in his clay face three times before and he had just gotten back up. Like a really annoying helium balloon.

My muscles were burning from exhaustion and perspiration ran down my bare chest. I saw a large gateway at the end of the corridor and grinned. I knew where I was, and I only needed to get a big enough gap between me and Mr Mud to make it work. I pushed myself harder, my legs screaming in pain and ran through the large gap, then slammed my hand onto a switch on the wall. Two large metal doors slammed shut behind me and Clayface slammed into them. I leant against the doors and panted, slipping down and sitting on the floor.

Clayface bellowed with laughter. "Conor! You can't hide from me!"

"Go take a bath!" I shouted back. There was a slam against the doors and I shuffled away from them quickly, and saw a large dent form. I swore violently to myself as I heaved myself up and looked around. I swore again as I realised I had had no idea of where I was, it was the wrong room, and I had locked myself in. There were a constant stream of curses and obscenities coming from your wonderful narrator's mouth as I searched for an exit, all the while Clayface slammed into the doors, laughing. There were multiple dents in the doors now, and they looked close to breaking. Clayface could come in if he wanted to, there were already gaps where the metal had contorted and ripped from the wall, but being an actor, Clayface was a theatrical bloke. Then again, so was I.

I pressed myself against the wall next to the doors, hoping that when Clayface smashed the doors down I could slip out and run, find another way like I always did. The tension was unbearable. I could practically feel my makeup running from the perspiration and my hair was even more messed it usually was. I paused and the metal doors were flung off its hinges, smashing into the opposite wall. I ran and slipped past Clayface, but he laughed and his hand grabbed me. He smashed me against the wall, then flung me back into the room, smashing me into the wall. I was dazed and staggered away, but he grabbed me again, hitting me again. My whole body ached, and I slammed a knife into his arm. It did nothing, he just absorbed it into his body.

"Conor, what was that going to do?" Clayface taunted. He turned his second hand into a mockery of a gun and pointed it next to my head, then shot the knife out of it. It slammed into the wall, most of the blade vanishing. Clayface dropped me to the floor and walked away, turning into Harley.

"Oh Conor, you're like a brother to me." He mocked, laughing, then grabbed me again. He slammed my head into the wall and exploded in my eyes. "There was only one way this could end." He chuckled. "A teenage boy who looks like he should be listening to One Direction against a massive monster, immortal, the greatest actor in the world!"

He erupted back into his clay form and laughed.

"You're wrong." I gasped. "On three accounts." I think some of my ribs were broken, and my left arm might have been as well. I tasted blood in my and spat it onto the floor. "Number one: One Direction are amazing." It's true, me, the psychopathic teenage murdering gang lieutenant, was a Directioner. "Two: you're a rubbish actor; nobody had heard of you until you went insane and started killing." I heaved myself to my feet and Clayface turned to look at me, enraged. "Three: you're not going to kill me." I pulled my pistol out, the single bullet ready to fire and pointed it at Clayface, who chuckled. My arm shook, and it was a challenge to keep it focussed on him.

"You've tried that already." Clayface grunted. "I'm just one resilient kind of guy." He transformed into me, as I was. It was like looking into a mirror. Shirtless with messed up makeup, body shining slightly with perspiration and wild hair, my trademark smirk on my face.

"It's not for you." I smirked and turned the gun onto me, pointing it at my right temple.

I know what you're thinking now. 'Oh no, Conor's going to kill himself, how brave and noble of him', and you'll all surely be on the edge of tears. However, then, you'll think to yourself 'but he's the narrator, if he dies, how's he narrating this'? And to that I ask whether you've ever watched _American Beauty_. It's a great film. Admittedly I only watched it cause of the naked woman in the bath of rose petals on the cover, but it's actually great. Watch it.

I focused the barrel of the gun on my head and smiled, about to pull the trigger. Just as I squeezed it, a tentacle of clay that I hadn't noticed wrapped around my arm and pulled my hand, the bullet shooting into the wall behind me. I suddenly felt an incredibly sharp pain in my stomach. Clayface-Me was standing right in front of me, smiling, exposing his, or rather my, yellow teeth. I looked down and saw the Clayface-Me's arm was a long spike that had been impaled through my abdomen, messing up the amazing six pack I had been working on.

Clayface-Me looked into my eyes, and I looked back. I had never noticed my eyes completely. They were bright green, but had flecks of pale blue. I wish I had noticed before, another aspect of my body I could have prattled on about. The spike retracted from my stomach and I slipped down to the floor, clutching myself, blood pouring over my arms. I felt tears well in my eyes and drip down my cheeks. I'll be honest, I'd never thought that I'd die through impaling. I'd always imagined an ex-girlfriend or guyfriend killing me when I was asleep.

Clayface-Me bent down and squeezed my cheeks. "Aww, look at the little baby. Crying for Harley." He laughed in my high pitched laugh, and I noticed that it sounded weird compared to my deep, menacing voice.

I reached into the pocket of my jeans and pulled out Harley's card, clutching it in my hand, and I started laughing. If you wanted to analyse this in English or something you could say that the combination of laughter and tears was an example of juxtapositioning, increasing the emotion that you, the reader may be feeling. Sorry, it appears I get weird and prattle about rubbish when I'm dying.

Clayface-Me stabbed me through the stomach again and lifted me up in the air. I swore at him. Yes, that was a good last word. I felt my body go limp as I ran out of energy, the wound taking its toll. They had won. My body dropped to the floor as Clayface-Me retracted the arm. My vision darkened and I chuckled, a smirk on my face as my eyeliner-tainted tears marked my face, my blood leaking on the floor.


End file.
